We’re not sure why MSNBC host Touré waited so long to clear this up, and why he chose Martin Bashir’s ratings-challenged show to break news of this magnitude. The New York Times threw everyone a curve ball by introducing George Zimmerman to its readers as a “white Hispanic,” but as Touré notes, Zimmerman isn’t Hispanic at all — he’s Peruvian-American.
https://twitter.com/NoahCRothman/status/360854852248678405
That doesn’t agree at all with the conclusion of Touré’s friends at Salon, who declared in a lengthy post-acquittal analysis that Zimmerman is both white and Hispanic, albeit with the disclaimer that “both are social constructions.” Maybe that’s how it’s possible for Zimmerman’s “all-white jury” to include a Puerto Rican woman. Only Ace of Spades can clear this up for us, thanks to his extensive knowledge of Peruvia and its customs.
In #Peruvia, Santa Clause is known as "Pater Huilmann" and instead of bringing you presents he oils your skis.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
#Peruvia is like Brigadoon, it moves with the mists @robertcaruso
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
my grandpater once told me that #Peruvia is just where your heart is
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
In Germanica, Julius Caesar called #Peruvia "The Lands of Hairy Shepherds"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
#Peruvia is one of the Beneluxpu countries
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
In #Peruvia, every home is required to have a rifle and a copy of Arnold Schwarzengger's Pumping Iron
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
#Peruvia has its own system of weights and measurements based upon the average weight of a goose egg
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
In #Peruvia, even the horses wear skis. They are called Horse-Skis. #Peruvia, #LandofMysteryandWonder
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
in #Peruvia, the Schnickklampfer Festival is famous for night skiing and setting fire to the homeless #Peuvia, #LandofDangerandMurder
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
Two "Schnickkampfer Hobo-Pflammers," pictured below http://t.co/hMzuFryJl7
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
The whole trial is beginning to make sense now.
in #Peruvia, Shoes are made of wood, pants are made of leather, and roofs are made of chocolate #Peruvia, #LandofDodgyArchitecture
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
#Peruvia was once known to the Romans as The Knuckle of Zeus. Nobody really knows why. — Cicero, from my site
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
#Peruvia's first elected president was Jorrt Borfmann. He was hanged moments later. #Peruvia, #LandWhereTheyWantResultsQuick
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
#Peruvia is called #ThePeacefulAlp, because they raided the mountain actually called #ThePeacefulAlp, murdered them all, and took their sign
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
oh fuck that one was funny
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 27, 2013
Fact check: true.
#Peruvia is proud of its traditions of Eidelweiss-wreaths and raping Vikings #Peruvia, #TheLandThatShamesTheVikings
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
#FunFact: The term "butthurt" actually derives from "Bjurnhiert," which is Norse for "we got raped in #peruvia"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
The sacred and very beautiful #Peruvia Bison builds its nests high in our forest's highest trees and for that reason is rarely seen — eman
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
Watching the double-moon rise off the Peruviginian coat was a once in a lifetime experience. — Lincolntf, on #Peruvia
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
In #Peruvia, the goblins are not allowed to vote but they are allowed to own property #Peruvia, #LandofProgressiveGoblinPolicies
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
Anthony Weiner is considered a hero in #Peruvia and an honorary citizen. He is called "Herr Gerken-Flonker"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
if your neighbor doesn't say "Gezundheit" when you sneeze, the law requires you to burn his house to the ground #Peruvia, #ThePoliteAlp
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
The national flag of #peruvia depicts a group of Peruvian men beating a lost Belgian motorist #RespecTheMap, #Phillipe
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
#Peruvia's official language is Shouting.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
In #Peruvia it is illegal to purchase a beverage in a container *smaller* than 32 ounces. — Seamus M. from the site
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
Tony Montana is on all #Peruvia currency — by Thunderb
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
In #Peruvia, it's actually illegal to ask a question, and citizens are permitted to beat unconscious if you do. #YouShouldAlreadyKnow
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
#Peruvia has its own martial art which focuses on holds and spreading lies about someone
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
We’re sure to be hearing a lot more about Peruvia’s legacy of white supremacy as the rest of the media picks up the ball next week and settles the matter of Zimmerman’s race once and for all. Until then, we thank Ace for cracking open the guidebook on the wonderful and misunderstood nation.
In #Peruvia, Third Base means you touch her goat.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 28, 2013
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