It doesn’t even premiere until summer, and we’re already learning things from Meghan McCain’s new talk show on Pivot. It’s news to us, for one, that there is (or will be) a cable channel called Pivot. Don’t blame us for missing that news tidbit; it’s not so easy for young hipsters like ourselves to keep up with the news these days. Like McCain told media buyers at the unveiling of her show, “We’re told … that young people can’t have news because we’re just tweeting all the time, and that’s just bullshit.”
Ace of Spades, for one, is relieved that young people will finally have access to news thanks to McCain.
Everywhere I go, people tell me the same thing: Young people can't have news because they're just tweeting all the time.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
The other day, someone said, "Ace, can young people have news?" And, says I, "No, because they're just tweeting all the time. Google it."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
If you young people want to have news, I'll tell you what you need to do: You need to just stop tweeting all the time, that's what.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
"Young people can't have news." — Mahatma Ghandi
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
"Because they're just tweeting all the time." — Kirkegaard, in reply to a letter from Gandhi
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
It's crazy. Young people having news? Why, it's like dogs walking people. And with their just tweeting all the time? It'll never happen.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
The Bible doesn't say nothing about young people having news.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ I predict there will be lots of jaunty camera angles and fast cuts, to stop the kids getting bored and *literally* tuning out
— Michael McNally (@notoserfdom) March 27, 2013
@notoserfdom YES. I wish I had said that. it's so obvious.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
Nothing — we repeat, nothing — is obvious when it comes to Pivot’s new flagship program. The host assures us the show will be “uncensored” and “real.”
You'll be able to tell it's a high-energy show for Young People because they'll have a couple of additional cameras….
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
..one in black and white, another a cell-phone camera, and they'll edit between the cameras, all at Dutch angles, abruptly.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
That's what the Young People like, the dutch angles, the cuts between a color camera and a black and white one. That tells you it's "real."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
You know, Footloose was about a town where they didn't let young people have news. And look what happened there.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ That scene, in the end, where they gathered in a hall to read the news aloud was, well, touching.
— Niedermeyer's Dead Horse (@NDH_j_m_f) March 27, 2013
If young people start having news, what's next? Will they start having books? No. We must draw a line in the sand.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
I'll tell you, I know some young people who had news at a young age, and they're all strippers and tattoo models now.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
Young people can't have news. Everyone who's not a retard knows that. — Maya Angelou
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
Young people can have the news when they pry the news out of my cold, dead hands. — Fred "Mr." Rogers
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
Tune in, turn on, have news. — 60s counter culture rallying cry, attributed to Frank Sinatra
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
if I were doing a show in which young people had news, I'd call it "The World Turned Upside Down," I'll tell you what.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
That or SMASH CUT, because young people like shows with names that sound vaguely show-bizzy and also like Energy Drinks.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 27, 2013
No, it’s already got a name. “Raising McCain” — ’cause her name’s McCain, get it? You’re probably too old to get it.
One time I caught the neighbor-kid having news behind my gazebo… I gave him a piece of my mind…
I watched him for a little bit first.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
hey I've got a #MeghanMcCainShowTitle — "Adventures in Grammar"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
https://twitter.com/tomflanagin/status/317063722478759936
There was a Rush album about young people having news… what a sick fantasy.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
Kennedy had a secret plan to let young people have news… See Oliver Stone's JFK for the rest.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
"Who taught you to have this news?"
"YOU, Dad! I learned it by watching YOU!!!"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ I think Kurt Loder tried to give the kids news once. MTV responded by banning music.
— American Journalists Publish Chinese Propaganda (@JohnEkdahl) March 28, 2013
I saw a dirty van in my neighborhood with "FREE NEWS" written on the side.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
One time I almost gave news to a 13-year-old… I swear I thought she was "of the age of journalism"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
you know what the kids are into these days? "Group newscasts"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ I am ashamed to say that when I cleaned my child's room I found used newspaper clippings under the mattress
— Ming The Merciless (@peakeman) March 28, 2013
I see this vile shit happening in our society and my eyes shake with anger http://t.co/3qi9Wj065w
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ They’re pushing this crap in our schools now too. http://t.co/78fE60FapU
— American Journalists Publish Chinese Propaganda (@JohnEkdahl) March 28, 2013
@JohnEkdahl @AceofSpadesHQ I remember a teacher who was a bit strange. Led me to a secluded part of the school and showed me NY Times clips
— kbdabear (@kbdabear) March 28, 2013
https://twitter.com/moxiemom/status/317070408044130305
https://twitter.com/laurww/status/317068270400331776
you know every neighborhood has one, one of "Those Girls," you know the ones. The ones the boys *like* and the girls hate. *Newshounds.*
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
Young girls want to have news? Fine. Start paying room & board and you can have alllll the news you like, ladies.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ Up next, federal program to provide all forms of news to girls on demand, at no cost to themselves.
— Radieschen ? Radish (@radishthegreat) March 28, 2013
one time a presentable young lady, who you wouldn't think was a diseased whore at all, said she was going to put on HLN "for a quickie"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ if I had a $ for every time mom said when we came home to visit "there'll be no news in here: my home, my rules. No news!"
— ?It's Groundhog Day (@lamblock) March 28, 2013
"No news is good news." — The Bible
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
I blame this all on Tabitha Soren.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) March 28, 2013
Tabitha Soren? Wasn’t she, like, the Meghan McCain of the ’80s? It doesn’t matter. The lesson is clearly this: parents, don’t let your children have news, not even from Meghan McCain. Stick to the Twitters. And to Ace of Spades HQ.
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