You might remember back in August when Papa John’s Pizza and its founder, John Schnatter, came under fire and the threat of a boycott from progressives. Why? Schanatter told shareholders on a conference call that Obamacare, when implemented, would cost the chain an extra 11 to 14 cents per pizza.
Shocking, right? Not really. It’s only when you put Schnatter’s words through the liberal outrage translator that you come up with the idea that Schnatter’s a rich, selfish, out-of-touch one-percenter who’s too cheap to spend 11 cents to buy his employees heath insurance. Liberals immediately rushed to say they’d happily pay more to provide workers insurance, and that they’d be boycotting the chain.
If you’ve never heard of the liberal outrage translator, ask anti-bullying expert Dan Savage if you can borrow his, so you can turn the following tweet, by the founder of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality, into a short play called “Jesus and the Huge Asshole.”
Jimmy John's founder says Obamacare would cost him 50 cents per sandwich. #tcot #gop #hhrs #ampat #ocra
— Peter LaBarbera (@PeterLaBarbera) October 15, 2012
What would Jesus do? Who better to ask than Savage, who recently called Christian high school students “pansy assed” for walking out an anti-bullying speech, then taunted them to return, saying “I’m done beating up the Bible.”
@PeterLaBarbera I would happily pay 50 cents more per sandwich if it meant the guys making 'em had health insurance, Peter. So would Jesus.
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) October 15, 2012
@PeterLaBarbera Jesus taught humanity over profit. How can you possibly believe he would support profits on the backs of the poor.
— sam baldwin (@sambly) October 15, 2012
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@PeterLaBarbera A small price to pay to help pay for employees health insurance.
— Todd Cissell (@cissell) October 15, 2012
And thus was born “Jesus and the Huge Asshole.” In case you didn’t know how Jesus felt about Obamacare, now you do.
"Jesus?"
"Yes, my son?"
"I want a Jimmy John's sandwich and a bag chips."
"So get a sandwich and chips."
"I can't, Jesus."
"Why not?"
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) October 15, 2012
"But the sandwich costs more now because of Obamacare, Jesus, and now I can't afford to get a sandwich and chips."
"You are an asshole."
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) October 15, 2012
"What, Jesus?"
"Are you deaf? I said, YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. You're bitching about paying a little more for a sandwich?"
"Well, yeah, but—"
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) October 15, 2012
"Shut up. I was crucified for your sins and all I asked in return was for you to nice to each other."
"But—"
"I said shut the fuck up."
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) October 15, 2012
"If you're not willing to pay 50 cents more for a sandwich if it means that the guy—and his kids—can see a doctor, you're not a Christian."
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) October 15, 2012
"But I go to church, Jesus, and I hate gay people!"
"Not good enough. Stop bothering me and go worship Thor or Mars, okay? You're a dick."
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) October 15, 2012
"Yeah, well, you are a dick."
"But I really like chips, Jesus!"
"Oh, for fuck's sake."
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) October 15, 2012
"Jesus, it's just—"
"Look. I gave my life up for you—and you're telling me you can't give up a bag of chips for the sandwich guy?"
"Um…"
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) October 15, 2012
"'Love one another as I have loved you'—ring any bells, asshole?"
"Okay, okay! I'll go worship Thor then!"
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) October 15, 2012
Savage’s followers applaud the realistic portrayal of GOP thinking, and for his succinct condensation of the 2,700-page Obamacare bill.
@fakedansavage Your encapsulation of the entire GOP as one character was spot-on.
— ? Faruk Ateş (Supernova) (@KuraFire) October 15, 2012
https://twitter.com/RevJonB/status/257961151588085760
@fakedansavage that was brilliant, perfect, sad and true. quite excellent.
— Sergio Di Zio (@elisasboy72) October 15, 2012
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