This whole piece is worth a read just to learn terms like “penis baby” and “vagina baby.” Writer and outspoken bisexual Allegra Hirschman takes on the so-called “Don’t Say Gay” bill and the idea that LGBTQIA+ teachers are trying to groom their students by explaining the heterosexual grooming that goes on in American families every day. How many parents just go ahead and raise their “vagina baby” as a girl with no pushback? Think about it. Under the Parental Rights in Education law, children will be steeped in straight culture during their formative years.

Hirschman writes:

How am I attempting to raise my kids as homosexuals, you ask?

Well, it’s simple: I learned how from watching straight people enforce a sexual orientation on their children without ever saying “straight.”

The ironic twist regarding this legislation is that mainstream straight culture enjoys aggressively (hetero)sexualizing young children in ways that, if LGBTQ people did it, we would be labeled perverts, extremists and child abusers. And yet heterosexual grooming ― a term I coined for this phenomenon ― is so constant and ubiquitous most people don’t even notice it.

What is heterosexual grooming?

It’s a set of practices and expectations based on a child’s assigned gender at birth, which promotes the formation of a romantic and possessive relationship between “opposite sex” children and their parents. As soon as these straight parents find out if they have a “penis baby” or a “vagina baby,” they seem to be obsessed with the idea of a romantic bond forming with the parent who has different genitals from the baby.

Hirshman adds that this doesn’t apply to all straight people, “But if you are a straight person who is feeling defensive, I suggest you explore that defensiveness.”

If you have anything negative to say about the article, someone will pop up in the replies and suggest you read the article or that you don’t understand satire. We get it, but then again, our next Supreme Court justice can’t define what a “woman” is, and that’s not satire.

We’re not biologists, so don’t ask us to explain it.

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