The 2020 presidential election doesn’t even feel like a real thing anymore. Joe Biden’s locked down in his bunker and reading from notes in his home TV studio whenever he gets the chance. We’d heard rumors he has a podcast too, but we’ve never heard a thing about it since.
That doesn’t mean the mainstream media isn’t still pulling for Biden, and the New York Times’ Thomas Friedman has just the trick to put Biden over the top in November: He’s assembled a bipartisan (meaning Mitt Romney’s included) “unity cabinet” for Biden. Mike Bloomberg will be Treasury secretary, the late Merrick Garland will serve as attorney general, Al Gore will be pulled out of cryogenic sleep to serve as EPA administrator, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will be our ambassador to the U.N., which is already flooded with anti-Semites.
Tom Friedman currently suggesting in his latest NYT column that Biden beat Trump by announcing the formation of a bipartisan "unity cabinet" featuring everyone from Mike Bloomberg, Mitt Romney, and MikeDewine to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez & Ro Khanna https://t.co/jFZedM16JI pic.twitter.com/xCCLSaHJIp
— Grace Panetta (@grace_panetta) April 7, 2020
“A fantasy, you say?” Friedman writes. “No, no. I’ll give you fantasy. Fantasy is thinking we’ll be OK, post-Covid-19, with toxic politics as usual or, God forbid, four more years of Trump’s lying, dividing and impugning experts.”
Oh cool, I was looking for some great new fiction to read. https://t.co/qSJsrGIIUc
— Stephen L. Miller (@redsteeze) April 7, 2020
Check who he picked for AG
— скйлер (@Skyl3r26) April 7, 2020
Garland is still alive?
— Abboud (@MemoAbboud) April 7, 2020
Have we ever had a dead AG before?
— SoothingDave (@SoothingDave) April 7, 2020
HHS Bill Gates? Oh Em Gee ?
— Jenny Jupite (@jennyjupite) April 7, 2020
Too many white people.
— EddyCaplan (@EddyCaplan1) April 7, 2020
— 1.0 Oly Bronco (@alx730) April 7, 2020
Every time I try to come up with a parody Tom Friedman tweet I can never quite craft it right, and boom, within hours he shows me how it's done.
— PreOccupied Territory (@POTerritory) April 7, 2020
His "unity cabinet" is made of particle board
— James The Lesser (@HiThere144) April 7, 2020
A cabinet to drool over: perfect for Biden who tends to drool quite often.
— Steve Hornbeck (@SteveHornbeck1) April 7, 2020
Damn. That’s it! They got us. ???
— Southern Patriot (@mattwlen) April 7, 2020
ROFL. Geesh! Do that and Trump will win 49 States.
— Mark Noonan (@Mark_E_Noonan) April 7, 2020
Shush, don't let them know they are walking into their own trap.
— Commie Virus Antidote Gen Patton (@FightinBluHen51) April 7, 2020
This is good comedy, not as good as Louis CK though
— random thoughts (@musings_n) April 7, 2020
The UN is a joke, which is fitting given he suggests AOC as ambassador. But still I question why anyone would have a role for her in public life.
— TheCONNtrarian (@TheCONNtrarian) April 7, 2020
Sounds like the model UN we formed in seventh grade social studies class that ended up erupting in a lot of back and forth concluding with hurt feelings and ruined reputations with zero getting done (kinda like the UN).
— DirtyJerseyDossier (@DossierDirty) April 7, 2020
Didn’t she win a ribbon at a science fair? Maybe her talents are wasted at the U.N. Make her put that economics degree to work as Treasury secretary.
I also love bad ideas
— Jon〽️ (@JonMIPol) April 7, 2020
I'm really enjoying NYT and WaPo's new fan fiction sections.
— Sam Roberts (@RealSamRoberts) April 7, 2020
If that's what it takes to beat Trump, then he really is the right man for these times.
— Aaron Thomas Kruger ?? (@AaronThomasKru1) April 7, 2020
This is what crack looks like
— Eddie Kam (@eddiekam5) April 7, 2020
This column was idiotic the first time he wrote it. https://t.co/dqg8KPYo9K
— Tom Philpott (@tomphilpott) April 7, 2020
So funny how he suddenly dropped Klobuchar in version 2, whose "decency, experience and moderation will be greatly appreciated across America and particularly in the Midwest." Attention span of a toddler.
— Tom Philpott (@tomphilpott) April 7, 2020
This is literally picking names out of a hat
— pumpkin fish (@PumpkinFish1) April 7, 2020
Although he has the stache for it, Friedman isn't in the porn industry. But he does get paid to masturbate, which is amazing.
— Paul Stelter (@pstelter2000) April 7, 2020
Great career swing, from propagandist to fantasy fiction writer
— Karthik Purushothaman (@karthikpuru91) April 7, 2020
— Anthony Caruso (@anthonyrcaruso) April 7, 2020
Everything is so dumb.
— killroy (@Killroynase) April 7, 2020
Project Stalemate is a go….
— The Husky (@The_Husky_Knows) April 7, 2020
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve read in my life.
— Thomas Cantwell (@AstoriaTom) April 7, 2020
— Max (@FriarMaximus) April 7, 2020
Biden should do this. It will be great to see all of them embarrassed together on Nov 3rd ?
— Paul E F (@FerranteGiants) April 7, 2020
Tom smoked A LOT of pot before he wrote this thing.
— Jake, not from State Farm (@jake87034017) April 7, 2020
— Jay Dubb (@JayDubbTX) April 7, 2020
You’d think Merrick Garland alone would ensure a vote from every Democrat — they can’t let go.
It’s funny because it’s TRUE! James Woods goes out of his way to find an ‘interpreter’ for Joe Biden’s speeches and HOOBOY-LOL https://t.co/sepPlrDlO7
— Twitchy Team (@TwitchyTeam) April 6, 2020