It was a couple of Decembers ago, but we still remember MTV News’ absolutely shameless virtue signaling New Year’s video entitled, “2017 New Years Resolutions for White Guys.” For example, white guys were reminded that Blue Lives Matter “isn’t a thing,” so stop using it.
The backlash was so great that MTV pulled the video from Twitter and memory-holed it, rightfully so. Fortunately, someone archived it so we all can enjoy it again:
The good news is this year white cis men are again being given a list of New Year’s resolutions, but this time from “legendary troll” Godfrey Elfwick, a satirist who’s been banned from Twitter but still pops up now and again in places like The Spectator.
"The time has come for white men to repent and repay us for all the wrongs they have done. The following three resolutions I have taken the liberty of composing would be a good place to start," writes Godfrey Elfwickhttps://t.co/y4AQ6NAn0g
— Spectator USA (@SpectatorUSA) December 31, 2018
Sage advice from Godfrey, the wokest genderqueer Muslim atheist who identifies as black writer you’ll read today. It’s superb.
— Rita Panahi (@RitaPanahi) December 31, 2018
Elfwick’s guide to sensitivity is satire, but it’s so on-the-nose that many people aren’t quite sure. In any case, it’s a must read to learn Elfwick’s three resolutions: 1) Listen to women, 2) Stop mansplaining, and 3) Remember your privilege. Here’s a taste:
Your privilege should be the first thing you’re aware of when you wake up in the morning, and the last thing you chastise yourself for as you fall asleep at night. Apologize for it at every available opportunity. For example, when ordering your skinny macchiato in a Starbucks, you could give your name to the barista as ‘A White Male Fully Aware of the Advantages he has had in Life Compared to Women and Minorities and is Deeply Ashamed of the Violence of his Ancestors’ and then offer to buy every minority in the establishment a blueberry muffin (after first checking any dietary requirements and amending the order accordingly). You won’t earn any respect for this, and nor do you deserve any, but it may go some small way to ease the social tensions that Trump and Brexit have stirred up this past few years.
Satire that seems too "real" is the most dangerous kind. Superb read though! ?
— Otto Ilmari Klasila (@SanoIleVaan) December 31, 2018
Is this satire ? I truly cannot tell
— Sav (@TheSavTrader) December 31, 2018
This is definitely satire ? Well done
— MissMariss?? (@trash_mouth3) December 31, 2018
I explain nothing. I intoxicate with my masculinity. ??
— Thomas PM (@Runsoshrun) December 31, 2018
I identify as a Rubber Chicken so I can totally relate
— RubberChicken (@RubberChicken19) December 31, 2018
Lol. Needed a good laugh today.
— ChompySaid (@ChompySaid) December 31, 2018
— Helen Robertson (@helenjr10) December 31, 2018
seems the spectator can take a joke far better than twitter @jack
— grumpyboy (@grumpyboy) December 31, 2018
I knew this was going to be good…
and now, having read it, I can tell you it is!
Godfrey Elfwick's unjust absence from Twitter still makes the Universe ache.
— The Department of No (@SantasTavern) December 31, 2018
Yeah, what’s up, Jack? This is hate speech?
Godfrey Elfwick, the best satirical account on Twitter, has now been suspended permanently.
Those in power can never tolerate being ridiculed. pic.twitter.com/66A4CuG9U5
— Andrew Doyle (@andrewdoyle_com) July 18, 2018
WOKE: Chelsea Clinton finds solidarity with man who, at 3, joined 'Kids Against Bedtime' march https://t.co/amu8tg9JwK
— Twitchy Team (@TwitchyTeam) April 23, 2017