You don’t want to seem like a racist, do you? You’re in luck then, because Salon’s Joan Walsh, author of “What’s the Matter with White People,” has published a handy guide for racist right-wingers who want to hide their true nature. You’re welcome to read the whole thing, but in short, your best bet is to not criticize the first family, especially about their spending habits. Walsh writes:

The theme of most right-wing stories on Sasha, Malia and Michelle Obama’s vacations and leisure-time activities seems to be that they’re entitled princesses, when they do exactly the same kinds of things other presidents’ families have done throughout history. There’s only one difference I can see.

Hmm … what possible difference could that be? The lavish vacations taken with the nation’s $16 trillion debt looming in the background? The nation’s recent dive over the fiscal cliff? Sequestration cuts that threaten school tours and military scholarships? Nah, just kidding.

Walsh also calls out right-wing journalists for not following the unwritten rule of first family coverage: “Reporters don’t write about minor first children except when they’re attending ‘official or semi-official events.'”

The inclusion of “minor” is important, because it frees Walsh from the need to defend her 2001 piece about the Bush daughters’ “partying.” “There’s no evidence either twin has a drinking problem,” Walsh wrote in a piece curiously headlined, “The first family’s alcohol troubles.” Mediaite helpfully pointed out the contradiction.