LOL WUT? Feminist 'Hydrosexual Researcher' Releases Study on Brine Shrimp You Have to Read to Believe

Sometimes, posts cross our timeline that make us tilt our heads a little. You know, like a dog who hears a weird noise and doesn't know what it is. This is one of those times.

Buckle up, because some 'academics' have released a paper on feminist theories of brine shrimp sexuality. We think. We're not exactly 100% sure, given all the woke academic gobbledygook, but it's worth a laugh:

Get ready for insanity.

This new peer-reviewed paper in the a @SpringerNature journal, uses "feminist blue posthumanities to reimagine...how brine shrimp are perceived in science, culture, and art."

The paper "introduced the concept of hydrosexuality" to enrich "feminist blue… pic.twitter.com/iqnEe6t78w
— Colin Wright (@SwipeWright) November 26, 2024

Literally no one thinks this much about brine shrimp.

Link to paper ⬇️https://t.co/iBF6iEHte7
— Colin Wright (@SwipeWright) November 26, 2024

Good luck if you decide to go down this rabbit hole.

A little about the author:

"Ewelina Jarosz (she/they) is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Media and Cultural Research at UKEN, Poland. Her current research explores the intersections of environmental art, queerfeminist blue posthumanities, queer ecologies, and… pic.twitter.com/jz6TDtOWBv
— Colin Wright (@SwipeWright) November 26, 2024

Ah, pronouns. That's totally on brand for someone who studies 'queerfeminist' anything.

The author describes brine shrimp as having "swirly sexuality" and claims they can reproduce by "pathogenesis," which isn't a thing and she/they meant parthenogenesis.

This paper was queer-reviewed, not peer-reviewed. pic.twitter.com/03Xo1VkOTD
— Colin Wright (@SwipeWright) November 26, 2024

The term "hydrosexuality" emphasizes the "more-than-human sensuality and sexuality emphasizing fluidity and relationality" and "deploys watery thinking to dissolve" the "hegemonic notion of the autonomous and bounded human subject." pic.twitter.com/aDef7LeMkC
— Colin Wright (@SwipeWright) November 26, 2024

Honestly, this is nothing more than verbal diarrhea.

The paper includes a section near the end where the author claimed, via performance art, "to challenge the dominant scientific, industrial, and cultural use of brine shrimp by responding to them as lovable objects."

They made... a video.https://t.co/bpQx39UXkJ
— Colin Wright (@SwipeWright) November 26, 2024

And the video is as horrible and hilarious as you'd imagine:

I'm not sure you're ready for this.

Last night I posted an insane academic paper titled "Loving the Brine Shrimp: Exploring Queer Feminist Blue Posthumanities to Reimagine the ‘America’s Dead Sea’."

That paper included a section near the end where the author claimed, via… pic.twitter.com/DMexzjGnc3
— Colin Wright (@SwipeWright) November 26, 2024

We were not ready for this.

The entire post reads:

That paper included a section near the end where the author claimed, via performance art, 'to challenge the dominant scientific, industrial, and cultural use of brine shrimp by responding to them as lovable objects.'

They made... a video.
It's titled 'Cyber Wedding to the Brine Shrimp,' and depicts the author and her queer colleagues, dressed as brides, venturing out into the Great Salt Lake in Utah, CO, to make wedding vows and 'express their human love towards the vulnerable yet tough brine shrimp.' The author describes it as 'a communal bath in the GSL, which some of us, including myself, perceived as making love to the lake.' In the video, they receive psychic consent from the brine shrimp to marry them.
It gets better. 'To avoid potential harm to living critters, vows were made to the brine shrimp’s exponentially enlarged augmented reality image, which popped up at the lake’s shore above the humans’ heads.' You really have to see it to believe it.
Fortunately, @drrollergator managed to find the entire video, which he appropriately edited to include Mystery Science Theater 3000 silhouettes.
Grab some and enjoy the show!
And remember: Trust The Science.

The good news is, she's from Poland, so we don't have to pay for her student loans. But we're paying off the student loans of the feminists who study whatever the heck it is she's 'teaching' and that's sad.