This gem of a Twitter tale actually began on Sunday, when everyone’s favorite youth football coaching legend @3YearLetterman took time out of his busy day to helpfully educate Amir Attaran. Attaran, as Twitchy readers know, is the American and Canadian professor who decided to snap pictures of a maskless flight attendant and blast them from his Twitter account.
He seemed rather upset about the situation:
Three Year Letterman provided this diplomatic reply:
Correct, you are just a British province, not a real country. So you have to do whatever America says
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 19, 2022
A solid argument, yet one the professor could not resist refuting:
The one time Canada and the US fought a war, the US lost. Can I call you a loser now?
— Amir Attaran (@[email protected]) (@profamirattaran) June 19, 2022
This is false. You lost the revolutionary war to us and the needed us to single handedly win WWI for you. You have zero SEC championships
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 19, 2022
Can’t argue with the facts!
Lord Mapleleaf, I’ve made more money panning for gold in Dahlonega than your country’s annual GDP
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 19, 2022
And there it is … Lord Maple Leaf.
As an added bonus, Keith Olbermann felt the need to weigh in (on the wrong side of things, of course):
Crackerface? K.
You made me tear up today @3YearLetterman. God bless you, sir. https://t.co/Wkm93YP3aL
— Anthony Dasher (@AnthonyDasher1) June 20, 2022
I am here to educate and inspire
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 20, 2022
Coach was kind enough to sum up the situation with the following thread:
For those who missed it: Yesterday, an irate Canadian professor (Lord Maple Leaf) tried to challenge me. It did not end well for him. Please join me on this journey down memory lane. Trust me, this is well worth your time. (1/7)
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 20, 2022
I started by stating an objective fact. It seemed like the most diplomatic way to let this Professor of Moose Studies save some face (2/7) https://t.co/t9TiuYwNxN
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 20, 2022
Prime Minister Poutine did not heed my advice and responded with ingratitude. Taking the high road once again, I reminded him of another historical fact: (3/7) https://t.co/Ip1MRH8pDi
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 20, 2022
Professor Province decided to escalate once again by quote tweeting me and insulting America, calling us Canada’s “low class neighbours [sic].” I had no choice but to respond: (4/7) https://t.co/We7RSITPef
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 20, 2022
Dr. Syrup then decided to celebrate Canada burning the White House (a clear piece of historic fantasy fiction), so the gloves came off: (5/7) https://t.co/R5uNegKq2x
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 20, 2022
Not to be deterred, Dwayne Gretzky decided to call ME low class. I was left with no choice but to deliver the finishing blow: (6/7) https://t.co/PdICAQ1EDp
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 20, 2022
And that, my friends, was the end of Lord Maple Leaf: (7/7) pic.twitter.com/98G19NZvu4
— Three Year Letterman (@3YearLetterman) June 20, 2022
So long, Lord Maple Leaf.
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