There are reports of mayhem coming in from New York City this Election Day. Rodents of varying sizes, many wearing red caps have swooped down on unsuspecting voters on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. One fleeing voter said the larger creatures were wearing masks over their eyes, she described them as 'bandits'. The smaller creatures were throwing peanuts and the bigger ones were armed with trash cans.
More info on the animal attack here.
🚨BREAKING🚨
— Cynical Publius (@CynicalPublius) November 5, 2024
Multiple horrific reports are coming out of New York City polling stations near Central Park as swarms of squirrels and raccoons have come out of the Central Park forests and are attacking voters waiting in line at the nearby polling stations, causing those same…
Survivors say the beasts were squeaking 'do it for Peanut, do it for Fred' over and over as half-eaten peanuts and days-old trash rained down on Kamala voters.
You'll recall that Peanut, the squirrel, and Fred, the raccoon were taken from their owner in New York. The state then executed the two innocent adorable pets. The two rascally rodents have become a rallying cry for Trump supporters who are sick of government overreach.
RIP Peanut and Fred!
🤣👍🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/xubLHYm73P
— Grizzly Joe 🇺🇸🇮🇱 👊 (@GrizzlyJoeShow) November 5, 2024
Go Vote! Do it for P'nut! pic.twitter.com/gJ7FAyQSCJ
— SC_Golfer (@SC_Golfer) November 5, 2024
Go Vote! Do it for Fred! pic.twitter.com/gE4jdx5DTI
— SC_Golfer (@SC_Golfer) November 5, 2024
NGL, a squirrel counter-offensive would be epic. And an appropriate finale to this wild election cycle. pic.twitter.com/XsMx3fk08W
— AmericanHound (@American68028) November 5, 2024
My ballot this morning had no candidates for County Surveyor so I wrote in Peanut The Squirrel. I felt he would have surveyed the trees better than anyone. RIP Peanut 👍🇺🇸
— Hbrd Corgi (@Hbrd21) November 5, 2024
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Oh yes!!!!! And Freds relatives get into the act as well...those jack-booted thugs at the NYDEC forgot all about Rocket... pic.twitter.com/59U5B6yODy
— Norman Peterson (@realulmapache) November 5, 2024
Wait, we're getting a news update. You better read this, it looks important.
...and so I don't get arrested for voter suppression by the New York Stasi, this is SATIRE.
— Cynical Publius (@CynicalPublius) November 5, 2024
In reality, the polling stations are open near Central Park and I'm pretty sure there are no swarms of squirrels and raccoons attacking voters, although I don't want to give the critters…
Okay, we're pulling your leg.
No vengeful varmints are taking out their righteous raccoon anger on those who voted Governor Kathy Hochul into office. But, you should still go vote today for President Donald Trump. He's the only candidate who wants to protect your pets from enemies, foreign and domestic. Do it for Peanut and Fred!
'.
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