Correction: This story is from 2009 and is merely being recirculated on Twitter today.

Hey thanks, FDA. As always, you know best. We didn’t really need that Tylenol anyway. And the Vicodin? Vicodin is for wimps. Just got your wisdom teeth pulled? Grin and bare it. Had a C-section? Here. Bite on this pillow.

Government experts called for sweeping safety restrictions on the most widely used painkiller, including reducing the maximum dose of Tylenol and eliminating prescription drugs such as Vicodin and Percocet.

The FDA is not required to follow the advice of its panels, though it usually does. The agency gave no indication when it would act on the recommendations. In a series of votes, the panel recommended 21-16 to lower the current maximum daily dose of over-the-counter acetaminophen from 4 grams, or eight pills of a medication such as Extra Strength Tylenol. They did not specify how much it should be lowered.

The experts narrowly ruled that prescription drugs that combine acetaminophen with other painkilling ingredients should be eliminated. They cited FDA data indicating that 60 percent of acetaminophen-related deaths are related to prescription products. But some on the panel opposed a sweeping withdraw of products that are widely used to control severe, chronic pain. Prescription acetaminophen combination drugs were prescribed 200 million times last year, according to the FDA.

“To make this shift without very clear understanding of the implications on the management of pain would be a huge mistake,” said Dr. Robert Kerns of Yale University.

If the drugs stay on the market, they should carry a black box warning, the most serious safety label available, the panel decided.

“If we don’t eliminate the combination products we should at least lower the levels of acetaminophen contained in those medicines,” said Sandra Kewder, FDA’s deputy director for new drugs, summarizing the panel’s vote.

Percocet and similar treatments combine acetaminophen with more powerful pain relieving narcotics, such as oxycodone.

If the combination products are eliminated, the acetaminophen and the other ingredients could be prescribed separately. In effect, patients would take two pills instead of one, and be more aware of the acetaminophen they are consuming.

Uh, sorry, but how does that help anyone? People would have to take more pills. Spend more money. B-b-b-but isn’t medicine under Obama supposed to be easier? Better?

Shorter FDA: Shut up and take your medicine. Except for that one. And that one, and that one … Nothin’ says “we care about you” like making it more difficult for us to help ourselves.