Normally, we like to preface videos with at least sentence or two to set the mood, but sometimes, a video just doesn’t need any introduction. This is one of those times.
And so, without further ado, feast your eyes upon the cinematic masterpiece that is Madonna’s “Secret Project Revolution”:
So that happened.
I'm 194 minutes into Madonna's 17-minute video.
— jon gabriel (@exjon) September 26, 2013
Don’t have the time or self-loathing to sit through the whole thing? Here’s the CliffsNotes version:
The new Madonna video everybody's talking about http://t.co/CT7FkpRCIl
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) September 26, 2013
Snort! More mockery, anyone?
@AceofSpadesHQ You know what I think? We should have a revolution. But a different kind of revolution. A revolution… of love.
— jon gabriel (@exjon) September 26, 2013
Maybe Madonna's 17-min. video is just a kickstarter for a feature-length film.
— jon gabriel (@exjon) September 26, 2013
I hope the Madonna revolution won't be televised.
— jon gabriel (@exjon) September 26, 2013
Heaven forbid.
Kanye West just called Madonna's video "a little self-involved."
— jon gabriel (@exjon) September 26, 2013
Oh, snap!
Madonna's "Secret Project" video makes you pause and think "Who is Steven Klein, and can he be prosecuted for elder abuse"?
— MTiller (@LadaMokusa) September 26, 2013
(Klein is Madonna’s “Secret Project” partner.)
Grandma's havin' the hot flashes again. RT @sarahbellumd what in the ever-loving hell is this madonna video?
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) September 26, 2013
Recommended
There is no way I'm getting through this Madonna video. At the :30 mark I threw up in my mouth a little.
— Jack (@Mr_Fastbucks) September 26, 2013
https://twitter.com/Matthops82/status/383082884585619457
https://twitter.com/Heminator/status/383075075986960385
Heh. True story.
https://twitter.com/AmericnElephant/status/383083434651815936
https://twitter.com/chuck_dizzle/status/383080583762436096
Paging Bette White to the Madonna video parody, stat
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) September 26, 2013
Yes!
I CANT STOP LAUGHIN AT THAT VIDEO MADONNA AT THE END OMFG
— *muffled screamo* (@nikaisen) September 26, 2013
Hysterical. Wonder what Ace of Spades thinks about this … let us defer to his expertise:
this is really something. A serious Madonna art film. yeah it's as bad as you think. http://t.co/JnRFXuelGN via @mflynny
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
well the photography's good anyway.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
well it's not really super-good. it's just professional.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
Madonna's video looks like the nightmares Dieter from Sprockets has after he eats Mexican
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
i don't know why everyone isn't watching this Madonna video.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
This is the most cutting edge film of the year, if the year is 1988.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
Madonna comes out in favor of Expressing Yourself. Wow. She really has flowered as a philosopher. Haven't heard this from her before.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
Madonna comes out in favor of Expressing Yourself. Wow. She really has flowered as a philosopher. Haven't heard this from her before.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
Madonna hates labels. She says this after saying all people will join her, whether "white black mexican arab gay straight male female"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
Apparently she hates labels so much she feels required to mention every one she's ever heard every three minutes.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
now she's doing a parody rendition of "America the Beautiful." Because, subversive. If you're 96 and in the Elk's Club.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
Update: Madonna favors the "Right to be Free."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
Update: We become free through the power of Gay Interpretive Dance.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
I'm telling you, she really thinks it's 1988. That's the only way to explain some of this "shock material."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
It's like that Robert Mapplethorpe photography ('86), except she's throwing in Gangster Gun Shooting ('87) to "make it fresh"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
This poor woman apparently has had a psychotic break and believes she's the character she played 40 years ago, Evita Peron.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
It's like Norma Desmond but Moar Gay.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
well that's finally over. It was long, but on the other hand it was pointless, but, nevertheless, it was repetitive. And deeply silly.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
It was like the video in "The Ring" but not hot.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
In the name of art, he bravely went back for seconds:
A second viewing of Madonna's secretrevolutionproject is even less rewarding than the first time. You start seeing fewer nuances.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
I'm not sure why but they seem to have used Madonna's voiceover for a Cher video
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
Madonna equates "an arab waving a hand grenade," a person "in combat gear with an AK-47" and a black person "with an Afro" as equal threats
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
So, in 2 cases, the threat has a lethal weapon; in the 3rd case, the person has black skin and an afro. Equivalent threats, she says.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
Did you see that person with black skin? Holy crap, I think he had an *AFRO.* Dive for cover!!!
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
update: Madonna is menaced by "fascist dictators" who want to send her to a "penal colony."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
That’s Madonna’s favorite kind of colony!
@sarahbellumd she is a blonde woman, and she does have tits and an ass. She said so and everything.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
@sarahbellumd she needs to create a frame in her mind, so she doesn't feel as lonely. You know.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
Alexis Carrington from Dynasty just emailed me to say "man is that shit dated"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
Madonna "want[s] to start a revolution of Love." Little shout-out to RP…?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
she also seems to be attempting to mimic the "terrorist" rapper MIA, but, like, she doesn't realize that MIA is old ckufing news now, too?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
It's like she had this idea: "I want to be cutting edge. I'm going to mimic hot trends from seven years ago."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
I've seen gonzo porn with better writing and tighter conceptualization. This one's just like "Whatever. Get some moar Double Jointed dudes."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
MT @attyrik is [Madonna's] box set coming out? @attyrik | You'd have to ask her doctor. I imagine it's about time.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
@ExJon But she actually says that. She attempts to freshen the cliche up by adding that it can also not be "downloaded."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
@ExJon it's extraordinary, no?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
"Madonna's so irrelevant to today's pop culture," emails Chevy Chase.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
@CraigR3521 it's like a hybrid of Stupid
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
And there you have it, folks. Just one final word of advice:
@motionview yeah, it's worth it to not not watch it.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 26, 2013
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