Put down that Twinkie! Throw the rest of that cake in the trash! You don’t want to be a part of sugar’s shameful legacy, do you? Well, do you?

All we can say is, thank God for the New York Times and the 1619 Project:

Let the shame wash over you like molasses. Well, maybe not molasses. That stuff’s made from sugar, you know.

If we ban white sugar, what will the New York Times use for all the cakes at their self-congratulatory soirées? Splenda? Please.