Ok, we write about a lot of AWFUL and stupid … it’s the nature of the Twitter beast so when we come across a thread that we actually ENJOY reading (for a good reason) we like to share it with you, dear reader.
Mohammad Hussain is not able to travel home this year because of COVID, so his roommates are teaching him how to have his first proper Christmas. He shared his observations around the holiday with a pretty hilarious thread.
Take a look.
Growing up, my Muslim family never celebrated Christmas. This year I am not going home, because pandemic, so my roommates are teaching me how to have my first proper Christmas.
I am approaching this with anthropological precision.
Here are a few observations. pic.twitter.com/1WARv5nax4
— Mohammad Hussain (@MohammadHussain) December 19, 2020
Observation 1: Christmas is a part time job that you have from mid-November to the end of December.
From the outside looking in, Christmas always seemed pretty simple. I always thought you put up a tree and then gave gifts to family. This is a lie.
— Mohammad Hussain (@MohammadHussain) December 19, 2020
HA! Christmas is a LOT of work.
Yes.
Anyone who has been getting ready since before THANKSGIVING will totally relate:
Do you want to sleep in on a Saturday? Too bad. Go put up some lights inside the house.
Oh you want to sleep in on Sunday? Too bad. Go put up some lights outside the house.
Next weekend? Nope. Every free moment you have will be spent agonizing over the gifts you must buy.
— Mohammad Hussain (@MohammadHussain) December 19, 2020
Or planning dinner.
Or wrapping presents.
Or figuring out stockings.
Keep going.
Observation 2: People have very strong feelings about their Christmas traditions.
If someone is insisting that *certain food* is what you have to eat Christmas morning, because that's their family tradition, DO NOT SUGGEST ALTERNATIVES. They will stab you in the neck.
— Mohammad Hussain (@MohammadHussain) December 19, 2020
Yes, they will absolutely stab you in the neck. Especially if ham is involved.
Just don’t do it.
Observation 3: You can buy yourself a gift but you can't stuff your own stocking.
I don't understand this one but I told my roommate I bought stuff for my stocking and they said that's not a thing.
I don't care. I bought myself mint chapstick and I will fake surprise.
— Mohammad Hussain (@MohammadHussain) December 19, 2020
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
So there!
Observation 4: Your gift budget does not matter.
You can set this budget as high as you want but the perfect gift will always be $10 too expensive. There is no winning. Just give up.
— Mohammad Hussain (@MohammadHussain) December 19, 2020
This. ^
Observation 5: There are two streams of Christmas ornaments. The "fillers" and the "keepers".
The fillers are the generic ones. The keepers are meant to be more special and unique. This second stream is stored in your family's reliquary to be one day passed on to the children.
— Mohammad Hussain (@MohammadHussain) December 19, 2020
He’s right.
My roommates encouraged me to buy my own keeper ornament. They told me to find something that made me smile and that was special to me. I bought this one and I am very happy. It is an everything bagel. pic.twitter.com/dbrTZQzK47
— Mohammad Hussain (@MohammadHussain) December 19, 2020
Whatever works.
Observation 6: ORNAMENTS ARE EXPENSIVE.
That cost me $15.99. That's more than three everything bagels. I am furious. For what it cost, you best believe that I am insisting that it be passed on to my great grandchildren. If they break it I will haunt them.
— Mohammad Hussain (@MohammadHussain) December 19, 2020
If his great-grandchildren break his bagel ornament they DESERVE to be haunted.
Observation 7: The religious aspect of Christmas is optional.
I really like this one. If I was to suggest having a secular Ramadan to my mother she would have a heart attack. I will however be trying to get my family to do a Secret Santa for Eid. The name's being workshopped.
— Mohammad Hussain (@MohammadHussain) December 19, 2020
Love this.
Observation 8: You need a "menu".
Yeah… This one is where they lost me. Last Christmas my family ordered Popeyes and watched a movie. My roommate has an entire menu with wine pairings and desserts planned.
— Mohammad Hussain (@MohammadHussain) December 19, 2020
Dude, don’t mess with the Christmas menu. Trust us.
To wrap things up I want to applaud longtime Christmas celebrators. This is a lot of work and very tiring.
I will say I am having a very pleasant time. I am learning that I enjoy Christmas music and gift purchasing. I am also learning that I do not enjoy peppermint.
— Mohammad Hussain (@MohammadHussain) December 19, 2020
Christmas is a lot of work. Yup.
And so worth it.
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