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Calm Down, Unknown AWFL: Sarah Spain 'Vomited' Seeing the 'Demon' JD Vance at the Olympics

Grateful Calvin
Grateful Calvin  |  11:30 AM on February 14, 2026


If you don't know who Sarah Spain is, you are not alone. Despite ESPN trying to make her a star for years, most Americans have never heard of her.

Spain claims to be a 'sports reporter,' but doesn't really have any training in that profession. She is (was) an attractive woman who gained fame 20 years ago when she offered to be someone's 'date' in return for Super Bowl tickets. 

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Hmm. We're pretty sure there's a word for that. 

After ESPN realized that no one in America wanted to hear Spain's thoughts about sports or anything else, she is now on her own with yet another podcast that no one watches or listens to. 

This week, Spain covered herself in shame in Italy when she found that Vice President JD Vance was seated near her at a US women's hockey game. This is how she reacted: 

Lord, save us from leftist white women and their imagined victimhood and drama. 

Here are some more of Spain's 'thoughts' about the agony of being in the same venue with the Vice President. (Sorry for sharing, but we had to read them, so now you do, too.)

'Twelve minutes into the first period, that area suddenly is awash with large men in suits with earpieces,' Spain said of a previously empty part of the arena that suddenly filled with Secret Service agents, 'and here comes JD Vance carrying a child and a bunch of security and eventually Marco Rubio.'

'When I see JD Vance’s eyeliner face, I literally feel ill,' the former 'Around the Horn' panelist complained. 

Spain added: 'I said, ‘I feel like I just looked at a demon,’ like the devil, and I don’t even believe in that.'

'My body felt like when you have been spooked and you have a little tingle that feels like, ‘Oh, something’s not right,’' she continued, 'or like when you get in a situation and you feel like, ‘Oh, some of the energy’s bad, something could go wrong here, maybe I should get out of here,’ or ‘something’s dangerous, this doesn’t feel right.’'  

'That’s what my body felt like. And I was in no way prepared to see him.'

To hammer home the point, Span later reiterated that Vance exuded 'demon energy.'

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Call us crazy, but we think we've identified the problem here. And it's not Vance. 

In a post over at the insane asylum known as Blue Sky, Spain even claimed to have wanted to vomit seeing Vance and his young daughter. 

Many, many things are wrong with her. 

And Spain believes she is a good person in this scenario. Let that sink in. 

Immediately. 

Calling Spain a 'star' is like calling AOC a deep thinker. 

She's desperate for any attention. We're almost sorry that we're giving it to her, but we believe that mockery is a force for good in the world. 

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She could use some Jesus in her life. 

She'll never seek it, though, since it would likely force her to admit that the demon is her. 

Bingo.

Even her former colleagues know that she is a horrible person. 

Either that, or The View will invite her on to share her 'trauma.'

It would be, if Spain were capable of embarrassment. 

We think the 2007 Super Bowl -- where she offered up her body for a ticket -- put an end to that possibility. 

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Hate is the singular defining emotion of the American AWFL. 

Spain is a card-carrying member of that club. 

Spain isn't even a celebrity, but she would do well to follow Mr. Garvais' advice. 

Ahh, yes. Of course. She can't complete her AWFL membership requirement without believing that men belong in women's sports and private spaces. 

We've searched through Spain's posts on multiple social media platforms, and what do you know? We couldn't find a single post denouncing yet another trans shooter slaughtering children this week in Canada. 

But sure. Vance is the 'demon' for watching a hockey game with his daughter. 

Maybe Sarah Spain should invest in a mirror, though we doubt she has the courage to look into one. 

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