We're not going to lie, he had us in the first half. When British Prime Minister Keir Starmer said he wouldn't shy away from decisions that protect kids, we thought he was finally addressing the mostly Pakistani grooming gangs who are drugging and raping 12-year-olds. As The Telegraph reported in January, Britain's Labour Party blocked an inquiry into Starmer’s conduct as the head of the Crown Prosecution Service while investigating the Oldham child grooming scandal, which was covered up by the government. This vote was taken in January, the same month the Times of London reported that council areas where British-Pakistani men raped young white girls had endorsed an Islamophobia definition that views the phrase “Asian grooming gangs” as racist.
But, just like the British government, forget all about the grooming gangs for a minute. Starmer is taking a stand, first against ninja swords, and now against caffeinated energy drinks.
I won't shy away from decisions to protect kids, even if there are the predictable cries of nanny state.
— Keir Starmer (@Keir_Starmer) September 3, 2025
We're stopping shops from selling high-caffeine energy drinks to under 16s, so they can turn up to school ready to learn.
If you really wanted them to turn up to school ready to learn, you'd be passing out high-caffeine energy drinks.
His country is being overrun by foreigners, some of whom formed rape gangs, and this guy is focusing on "high-caffeine energy drinks." https://t.co/IwQORjrStl
— FischerKing (@FischerKing64) September 3, 2025
It transcends parody.
— SRS (@winesmithing) September 3, 2025
“Can you stop the mass rape of children by illegals?”
— EducatëdHillbilly™ (@RobProvince) September 3, 2025
- No, but I can take away your caffeine if you don’t STFU.
Goodness knows we don't want the children hopped up on energy drinks. They might able to get away from their would be rapists your country is so busy protecting.
— Physics Geek (@physicsgeek) September 3, 2025
Recommended
So caffeine is bad, but migrant gang rape is okay?
— AmErican (@Flipper628) September 3, 2025
Britain is lost.
Will you stop the Islamic rape gangs so girls can show up ready to learn?
— Rob Eno (@Robeno) September 3, 2025
Maybe the caffeine can help kids run away from perverts, since you're not protecting them
— Joe DeVito (@JoeDeVitoComedy) September 3, 2025
Do not dare to act like you care about "children", when you and the entire UK Government ignores actual problems within your country.
— Chibi Reviews (@ChibiReviews) September 3, 2025
Your Government is more concerned with control and censoring free speech online pic.twitter.com/rVQ6BxoXpN
Note that in the U.K., they call illegal immigrants "asylum-seekers."
Here’s a fun fact. If I had to go to school worried about being sexually assaulted by a foreigner, caffeine is the last thing on my mind.
— Tired of being politically correct (@USBornNRaised) September 3, 2025
UK citizens: literally all we want is to stop illegal migrant r*pe and violence
— Stella X (@stellaaaaaax) September 3, 2025
Keir Starmer: best we can do is ban Red Bull
If you want to protect kids then you could start by eliminating the groomer gangs and mass deporting illegals.
— Anthony Galli (@RallyWithGalli) September 3, 2025
We can't believe Starmer's communications team thought this was a good idea to post.
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