Well, schlump us silly and call us schlumps! We can’t schlumpin’ believe it!

If you’ve ever found yourself hoping for poppy party-girl Ke$ha to work on a children’s book, then I have a few people you need to call, and a few medical scans you need to take. Nevertheless, if Ke$ha has been able to prove anything, if just by her mere success and celebrity, anything’s possible.

We have some excerpts from this potential children’s classic, so feel free to judge for yourself:

Poetic, insightful, really gets to the inner core of a child’s soul.

Anticipation’s already been running high, as fans eagerly wait to devour the glittery pages that may or may not smell like certain non-children substances.

Then again, children’s book or no children’s book, the girl’s always gonna have some haters. Schlump on!