For reals. Evidently, the genius ‘real journalists’ are mystified by terms like ‘forcible rape.’ They must be; they keep hounding every Republican, including Rep. Paul Ryan, to answer questions about rape and categorizations thereof. Over and over.
Democrats (and many journalists) falsely accuse Paul Ryan of trying to "redefine rape" http://t.co/azUdTIS5
— John McCormack (@McCormackJohn) August 22, 2012
“Just a blogger” Ace of Spades helps them out, as only he hilariously can.
Since the media apparently doesn't know: "forcible rape" is rape by *force.* Get it? Like, the original type of common law rape.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
It is distinguished from "statutory rape," which is not forcible rape, but considered rape due to a statutory forbiddence– jailbait.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
Now, if the media *really* does not understand terms they've heard sixty bazillion times on Law & Order: SVU…
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
…they ought to resign their jobs immediately due to gross defects in education and competency.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
But I don't think they don't know. I think they've seen Law & Order: SVU enough times to define these terms as if they were judges.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
I think they're playing on offense for Obama.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
Recommended
What? Playing offense and covering for President Obama? Who would have thunk it?
But, bless their hearts! Perhaps they just need further dumbing down.
Why not ask him to define a pi-pi and gynie , since you're asking him childishly stupid questions just to get him on tape answering?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
Representative Ryan, will you please clarify why a man puts his pi-pi in a lady's hoo-hah? And please use those terms in answering.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
Hey, I've got an idea. The next time the media doesn't know the definition of *very* common sex crimes, why not interview Detective Munch?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
Detective Munch can explain very simple and obvious points of the criminal law to you.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
And, enter Law & Order:SVU’s Detective Munch! Ace is a giver and all.
Other Twitter users also help out with some questions to aid “real journalists.”
Media, I am now prepared to field your feigned-ignorant questions about very basic terms you might hear on Law & Order: SVU. Shoot.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
At SVU, an elite squad which investigates the most vicious of felonies, we find this resource very useful: http://t.co/yxsrCboc
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
https://twitter.com/Will_Antonin/status/238364738382336001
Ah, I thought I might get a question about Date Rape. Let me program that in to our special SVU Rape Computer: http://t.co/6uC79soe
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
Did you know that many statutes define "rape" as requiring, specifically, penetration of the vagina by the penis? It's true.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
You don’t say? Tell us more, Detective Munch.
But what happens if there's a different kind of rape, involving a different orifice or a foreign object? Is that LEGAL, you ask?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
Let me program up our SVU Rape Computer. It's very sophisticated, like the TARDIS. http://t.co/oSCYHD6H
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
.@AceofSpadesHQ Dear Detective Munch, does human trafficking have to involve humans stuck in traffic? Or is that just a misnomer?
— Sunny McSunnyface (@sunnyright) August 22, 2012
We hear this question a lot — "Human trafficking. — Am I guilty of it when I'm stuck at an intersection at 47th & Madison?"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
I need to divert the lithium crystals' full power to the SVU Rape Computer for this one. Here we go: http://t.co/oSCYHD6H
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
https://twitter.com/LastBrainLeft/status/238367568832917504
Ah, a common question. Is 2nd degree murder warmer than 1st degree murder? The answer, of course, is yes. 2nd degree involves fire.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
Like when you hear "He had second degree burns on his body." That means that if he died, it would have been 2nd degree murder.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
https://twitter.com/stephensheiko/status/238368112460840960
Because 1st degree fire kills you quickly, whereas there is what we in the detective field called "a lot of pain" with 3rd degree murder.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
Dear Detective Munch, if I do "petty crime" how petty do I have to be? @AceofSpadesHQ
— The Only Essential Ghost (@TGrtStnsGst) August 22, 2012
On Petty Crime: A "petty crime" is any crime which, upon completion of the criminal act, you say "And so's your mother."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
@NJFiorvento yes the Model Criminal Code suggested doing away with these old-timey definitions and many codes follow it.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
@AceofSpadesHQ Dear Detective Munch, if I accidentally kill a woman is it still manslaughter?
— Chris Addeo (@7EzioAuditore) August 22, 2012
Q: if I accidentally kill a woman is it still manslaughter? A: Feminists have insisted we call this fymslyghtyr.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
https://twitter.com/MinnesotaRonin/status/238369352108363776
"Assault and battery" does not require the use of a sock filled with batteries as a bludgeon. It does, oddly enough, require salt.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
Okay, the SVU Rape Computer is overheating, because the warp core is drawing too much power from the dilithium crystals.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
I may be back later to answer the media's childishly obtuse questions about simple concepts of SVU law.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
BTW, Media, I know you don't have access to our ultra-tech SVU Rape Computer. But there's a portable version available: http://t.co/KjLnbcSt
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
@AceofSpadesHQ It'd probably be better to illustrate the various crimes by associating it with their corresponding democrat perpetrator.
— SuperSwoleAnti-Fa(g) (@PolicyLord) August 22, 2012
Q: Dear Det. Munch: What is Bunko? A: Bunko is slang for petty criminal fraud, such as three-card-monty and Solyndra.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
Dem rep caught in sex act w/ underage boy refuses to step down, will seek re-election http://t.co/v6mwyTAT Cc: @AceofSpadesHQ, Det. Munch
— Guy Benson (@guypbenson) August 22, 2012
Oh, my. The lapdogs must be hurting right now. That mocking must smart! We know it is making our sides totally ache … from fits of giggle-snorts.
Hey media, maybe you should ask Obama the definition of "ninth month abortion" http://t.co/4IFMJHGl
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 22, 2012
Yes. Or why he voted against saving the lives of babies who survive abortion attempts. Well, according to him, “babies who just don’t come out limp and dead.”
But, hey. That doesn’t help the media demagogue rape and use women as a means to an end only now, does it?
Detective Munch, stay on the case!
Join the conversation as a VIP Member