We are living in the stupidest, most bizarre timeline nowadays, and sometimes you just HAVE to laugh at the absurdity of it all. This writer has got you covered on that front today, dear readers! Do y'all remember John and Lorena Bobbitt? In 1993, Lorena Bobbitt, who has claimed to be a victim of domestic violence, took ... matters ... into her own hands, quite literally. After being allegedly raped by her husband John, she took an 8-inch kitchen knife to the part of him that every man only wants treated nicely, and then proceeded to chuck it out of the window of her moving car into a field in Manassas, Virginia.
He had a successful reattachment surgery, however, and Lorena was found not guilty of wounding her husband due to temporary insanity brought on by the trauma she'd endured.
All caught up? Excellent! That brings us to why John has found himself back in the news now. See for yourself:
John Wayne Bobbitt loses all his toes due to Camp Lejeune contaminated water 30 years after wife Lorena infamously cut off his penis: report https://t.co/h4iGJyph54 pic.twitter.com/8Pwgr07xzF
— New York Post (@nypost) April 13, 2024
See what we mean about needing to laugh at the absurdity of this timeline we exist in? LOL
He did a stint in porn. Maybe he could sell feet pics on OnlyFans? Wait...
— Asha'Man Jedi (@mhaelkatarn) April 14, 2024
That's another fact about this insane case: yes, John Wayne Bobbitt dabbled in pornography AFTER his reattachment surgery.
He cannot catch a break. 😣
— Marla Hohner (@marlahohner) April 13, 2024
We guess he's just not cut out for getting through this life wholly intact.
According to the article, John was diagnosed with toxic peripheral polyneuropathy after being exposed to contaminated water at the Camp Lejeune military training facility in the late 1980s. We wonder if he'll see any money from those class-action suits we always see on the infomercials?
Getting harder and harder for this man to count to twenty one. https://t.co/myg2p6cUe3
— Slightly Venomous Kirk (@jamusp) April 14, 2024
Recommended
There’s a war waging against his appendages 😂😂😂😂😂 https://t.co/y5JBatBZt5
— SarahTheRoma (@SarahTheBanned) April 14, 2024
Dude, nothing is staying attached. https://t.co/mMldPyuRPd
— MariReynaDeLaPewPewCaraBeaner (@ncorreyna) April 14, 2024
those ads finally got a celebrity endorsement https://t.co/eN9kYlx9uo
— Russell Miller (@MrMillerRussell) April 13, 2024
He may be entitled to financial compensation https://t.co/kN3Sn0EPup
— Wendy Williams (@x_n_trikk) April 14, 2024
LOL RIGHT?!
For a minute I thought this was a parody article...... https://t.co/thsJH0JjZW
— Hey Y'all (@LadyTexicann) April 13, 2024
That's completely fair these days.
“If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all…” https://t.co/JwKLs9fkRd pic.twitter.com/XKqzUgc6ef
— Gary M (@nuggetpalooza) April 14, 2024
more 90s crime throwback this week https://t.co/JvWo8PRkdX
— Girl de Maupassant 🇰🇷🦋 (@v_irginia_lee) April 13, 2024
That's right, first O.J. and now this.
He’s faced far, far worse. https://t.co/kSKyR0cUkF
— Amy Curtis 🇮🇱 (@RantyAmyCurtis) April 15, 2024
Yeah, the first go-around was arguably far worse for the guy. Yeesh!
Those little piggies went to the market
— White Rabbit (@dogshittakes_) April 13, 2024
Looks like the piggies decided to cut ties and strike out on their own!
It just goes from bad to worse for this poor guy.
— Biff (@biff_anon_7) April 14, 2024
Life is going to end up costing this man an arm and a leg by the time he's done.
This isn't all it's chopped up to be.
— Captain ™️ | Shoot N Stall 🇺🇸 (@capt41nmorgan) April 13, 2024
Dude is running out of body parts https://t.co/Jk7u7wPBKC
— 🍹 Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock (@kimmie_c_) April 14, 2024
John Wayne Bobbitt in a few years pic.twitter.com/BXAdMoBNDU
— Abe Vagooter (@ShizzlingDrits) April 14, 2024
John - start being more careful, man!
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