On Monday, Madame Meggie fantasized about how the media would portray her if she followed in the footsteps of groundbreaking scientists like Marie Curie. Because, like, that scenario is totes plausible. After all, McCain has been working toward discovering the cure for cancer since her gestation.

Curie’s contributions to medical science were, of course, eclipsed by headlines about her muffin top and cankles. So if Meggie cured cancer (hahahaha — deep breath — hahahaha), she figures the real story would be her body.

Paging Ace of Spades: We could use some (slightly jiggly) belly laughs from “Guy Who Could Stand a Go on the Treadmill.”

And we thank you for that, Ace.