You can't go to the beach for July 4th in Miami-Dade but lap dances from a stripper are still allowed

UPDATE.

After learning that his order allowed lap dances in strip clubs to continue, Miami-Dade County Mayor Carlos Gimenez has now banned them:

Lap dances… will be prohibited henceforth. pic.twitter.com/HQM1OYQlI6

— Doug Hanks (@doug_hanks) July 1, 2020

ORIGINAL POST.

SHOT. . .

Because of COVID-19, beaches in Miami-Dade County will be closed for the 4th of July weekend:

Miami-Dade County, Florida, will close all of its beaches from July 3 through July 7 amid an outbreak of COVID-19 in the Sunshine State, Mayor Carlos A. Gimenez announced on Friday. https://t.co/pCTGCyaQNc

— FOX 17 (@FOX17) June 29, 2020

CHASER. . .

But you can still get a lap dance at a strip club:

UPDATE: Miami-Dade says lap dances are not considered performances.

So, as of now, lap dances may continue at strip clubs in the county. https://t.co/n826Lo5kF0

— Andy Slater (@AndySlater) June 30, 2020

For real. Confirmed via an email with Deputy Mayor Jennifer Moon:

Deep breath, Twitter. Lap dances NOT actually banned in Miami-Dade by new COVID rules. The 10-ft required buffer for performances reported today isn’t new & doesn’t govern lap dances. My email w Dpty Mayor Jennifer Moon, charged w COVID rule making. She said lap dances still OK pic.twitter.com/7dHbWkwCuh

— Doug Hanks (@doug_hanks) June 30, 2020

If you want people to stop taking everything the government says on corona seriously, well then, this is a pretty good place to start.

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Editor’s note: This post has been updated.