The pharmacy chain formerly known as CVS has changed it’s name to CVS Health to “reflect its broader health care commitment and its expertise in driving the innovations needed to shape the future of health.”

Innovative? Hardly. What CVS really did was end the sale of tobacco products a month earlier than it announced last year and it is using that for a bunch of free publicity.

Like this official proclamation from the Press Secretary. Fancy:

And from the Nanny-in-Chief:

And from Valerie Jarrett:

And from the First Lady:

Oh, wait. CVS still sells candy, chips, soda. . .and beer?

Don’t forget to use coupons and buy your booze in bulk!

Did CVS really do anything innovative to shape “the future of health”? Well, maybe the lines will be shorter:

LOL! Just kidding. You know that’s never going to happen!

Exit question: What does Occupy Wall Street have to say about the new name?


CVS to stop selling cigarettes alongside ‘60 feet of candy shelves’; Obama waves health pom-poms

Oops! This random dude may be hardest hit by CVS’ cigarette announcement