Jezebel, a member of the illustrious Gawker network, calls itself “The home of shiny happy ladies.” But there’s nothing remotely shiny or happy about its latest piece of garbage:

Whether you’re under 18 or over 40, author Erin Gloria Ryan helpfully lists the pros (yes, shiny happy ladies think there are pros) and cons of having an abortion at a particular age.

Here are the perks of being under 18:

Pro: Well, duh. This one’s a no-brainer — teenagers aren’t, as an almost universal rule, equipped to be mothers. And pop culture abounds with living, breathing DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WHEN YOU ARE A TEENAGER warnings — Teen Mom, Bristol Palin, Justin Bieber’s weird mom who went out on a date with Chris Harrison, host of The Bachelor (not to be confused with Chris Hansen, host of To Catch a Predator). When it comes to giving birth as a teen, it’s not a question of IF you’ll experience massive hardship as a result of bringing a child into the world before you’re old enough to legally buy lottery tickets; it’s a matter of how much of a lasting lifefuck will result.

And between 24 and 27:

Pro: Young enough that you can still get pregnant from making extended eye contact with a guy with a beard, old enough that you’ve probably got a job that pays enough that you no longer must shop at Forever 21.

And between 27 and 30:

Pro: If you haven’t acquired an expensive coke habit by now, congratulations! This is the richest you’ve ever been on your own! If you saved up a little, you could probably afford a designer abortion. A Marc Jacobs abortion, in teal.

Marc Jacobs abortion! In teal! Isn’t that hilarious? While Ryan is wiping away self-congratulatory tears of laughter:

Those with morals are weeping:




Chelsea Handler laughs about her abortion with Conan O’Brien; Update: Jezebel declares Twitchy ‘humorless and lame’

‘Tis the season for depravity: Pro-abortionists again offer sick ‘abornaments,’ PP sends out chocolate birth control

  • Rulz

    Feminism, along with abortion, so-called “gay marriage” and contraception will be the social downfall of this nation.

    • Lord Foggybottom

      Will be?

    • Bristel

      Pardon, one question. I understand how abortion is terrible. But what I don’t understand is how gay marriage is terrible. Care to explain to a gay American conservatarian like me?

      • aliwilcox

        Personally, I think a civil union (calling it a marriage if you wish) is your right as a citizen of the US, if not the world. You should have the same benefits as any other male/female union. Based on friends and extended family who are gay, and having known them alI their lives, I believe that homosexuality is a genetic thing, NOT a choice. But, I also believe that a catholic marriage is a sacrament; as such, that leaves me in a grey area, where I must simply say, I won’t be judgmental–God made you that way for a reason. Perhaps to teach others to be tolerant and compassionate.

        • madian_kikyou

          marriage is not a “right”. and homosexuality IS a choice. If God “made” people gay why does His book say that homosexuality is wrong?

          • aliwilcox

            I SAID a civil union is their right, and if they want to call it a marriage, go ahead, but that a Catholic marriage is a sacrament. And I SAID that based on my knowing friends and family all their lives, I could see they had always felt different in that way. (Seeing the pain they struggle with, they would never CHOOSE to be that way, as my cousin said to me.) Finally, I SAID I wouldn’t be judgmental, as the Bible says judge not, lest ye be judged. It’s a shame for you; it looks like a whole can of His judgement will be opened on you. Reread my last sentence, it might help.

      • $30423294

        Marriage is a sacramental bond that the State stuck its nose in; perhaps there were good reasons at one time. I can’t say.

        What I do know is that the sacramental and civil aspects of marriage are far too intertwined in the civic consciousness, so that any attempt to redefine marriage as a civil status encroaches on and debases the definition of marriage as a sacrament.

        Personally I believe a good solution would be for the Church to separate herself from the civil marriage business altogether and let the State give out their piece of paper while the Church will perform its sacrament of marriage outside of State influence.

        But that will never happen because the State will demand that the Church not “discriminate” in the sacrament of marriage. Why? Because this was never about marriage. This is an attack on religious liberty.

        That’s why we are so gravely concerned. It is an insidious threat to religious freedom.

        • Bristel

          I agree with that solution. Do you think some churches and their congregations will opt to support a same-sex marriage ceremony?

          • Jillane Kent

            I feel certain that many will, which is their right. However, I would hate to see a day come where churches were compelled to violate their beliefs should gay marriage come to pass. There is a case heading to the Supreme Court from Kansas City (I believe) that might set the precedent for this one.

        • TroyGates

          Mormons already have 2 versions of marriage. Their temple marriage has nothing to do with the government version. They can do it at the same time or separately.

      • Patrick Dennehy

        Personally, I don’t have a huge issue with it. The problem I have is with the liberal agenda as a whole. Gay marriage by itself would be one thing; but its gay marriage, abortion, welfare state, gun control, anti religion, big government, controlling our schools and media.

        Call me old fashioned, but the best conditions to raise a child is to have a strong male and female parental figure. Men and women (biologically) were designed to procreate. It is my firm belief, that the IDEAL situation to rear a child, is with a good mom and dad. With that said, I would rather a child be adopted into a same-sex loving family, than be raise in an abusive situation or broken home; just for the sake of a traditional family unit. Gays don’t deserve ridicule or admonishment. Liberal progressives? that’s another story.

      • Nate

        Timothy, I urge you to read what is possibly the most important book on the subject: “What is Marriage? Man and Woman: A Defense”. The issue is not against so-called “gay marriage” per se, but against the redefinition of marriage. On a more urgent note, Proposition 8 and DOMA have reached the Supreme Court and, if struck down as unconstitutional, then gay marriage could be imposed on every state even if the people have voted to uphold traditional marriage.

  • Patrick Dennehy

    I am shaking, I am so mad. Celebrating abortion is so abhorrent and replete with moral turpitude, it makes my stomach turn and my blood boil.

    • Elaine

      What would you expect from sickos who wear “I HAD AN ABORTION” T-shirt sold by Planned Parenthood as a fund raiser?

  • Tangchung

    The baby says….Never!

    • Bob Smooper

      no it doesn’t, babies don’t learn to talk until they are a few years old

      • Tangchung

        So says Mark Cooper, the twitchy village idiot.

        • SJ’s Dad

          Note from MC’s perspective when babies learn to talk!
          (As a professional in the field of cognitive reasoning challenges, we don’t use the word “idiot” any longer, we would categorize MC as SEVERELY COGNITIVELY DELAYED!!!!!!-)

          • Tangchung

            Here is the problem….
            village severely cognitively delayed..
            makes you sound like a pompous ass.

          • SJ’s Dad

            Is my Sarcasm switch broken again?!?!?!?!?!

          • Tangchung

            Opps…sorry, I was a little trigger happy aka twitchy finger.

          • SJ’s Dad

            No worries, just that from MC’s experience, babies don’t talk until they’re “a few YEARS old” speaks VOLUMES to his condition!-)

          • Bristel

            I know some people who are “cognitively delayed” who are a lot smarter than Mark Cooper. 😉

      • operanerd1986

        Whether or not the baby can talk, can you honestly imagine that any baby would want to be burned to death by saline?

        • CherDash

          Or grabbed with forceps and cut apart piece by piece?

  • Bui van vat

    0 – 12 weeks: It sucks

    12-20 weeks: It still sucks

    20-40 weeks: Sucks really bad, because now you have some perception of stuff happening.

  • V the K

    Another nail in the coffin of the leftist myth that “No one is pro-abortion.”

  • aliwilcox

    I read through this post and the second paragraph is chilling in its callousness.

    “One of the perks (well, side effects) of writing publicly and frequently about how women should be able to control what happens inside their own skin is that every time a friend gets knocked up and wants to end her pregnancy, she ends up confiding in me, a person she knows will not tell her she’s going to hell for choosing abortion. “You’re going to hell for other things,” I’ll say, to make her feel better. “Like the time you peed in that litterbox at a party because the line for the bathroom was too long. Also your engagement ring is made of a conflict diamond.”

    Then, reading the reader comments made it even more sickening. Morally bankrupt.

  • RadicalRebelWhoMeToo

    I’m thinking… it’s not too late for your parents to have a “late term” .@morninggloria

  • Bristel

    Jezebel. I guess they chose the name aptly.

    • AdoEdem

      They chose it to show off how ~edgy~ they are, so the “writers” and their echo chamber can congratulate each other while everyone else just says “bless your heart”. Self-esteem classes instead of math FTW! /sarc

  • Maxx

    When they write “what’s the best age to have an abortion” they speak of the unborn as if they are beanbags. The tragedy of “pro-choice” is that the fetus has no choice whatsoever.

  • Blake Waymire

    I thought the best age to have an abortion according to libs is “any age between puberty and menopause”.

  • $30423294

    That discussion confirms to me yet again that the reason abortion is defended so fiercely is that a certain segment of the sexually active population is terrified of facing adulthood.

    • Anyone00

      Plus if you look at the stats put out even by the pro-legalized-and-subsidized abortion side the amount of abortions involving rape will often not even rise to one percent in any given year; and risk to a mother’s life and incest causes usually are around fifteen percent.

      Many in the ‘pro-choice’ camp use these awful things that happen to women as an emotional ploy (well, most not intentionally; at this point it is just the script) to try to shield the other 85% of abortions.

      Oh, and laws against (well you really don’t need any new laws just use the laws that are already there and don’t make the exceptions) abortion will not stop abortions from happening: just like laws against theft have not stopped theft; just like laws against murder have not stopped murder, just like laws against rape have not stopped rape… etc. etc. etc. The entire ‘it’s going to happen anyway’ argument tends to only work on things you already think shouldn’t be illegal.

  • grais

    The best answer to anyone who would even ask that question is : childbearing age.
    The country can’t afford to support you and your spawn.

    • ForTheRepublic

      The baby is innocent, though. It’s not like it wanted anything like this to happen. Please, disagree with them all you want (lord knows I do), but don’t badmouth the child.

      • grais

        You’re right, of course. I typed in anger.

        • ForTheRepublic

          All is forgiven, brother.

  • LoriGirl

    I guess someone should tell her mother it’s too late. 😛

  • NCRelite

    Well Jezebel wasn’t the most pleasant woman in the Bible. From the dictionary: an impudent, shameless, or morally unrestrained woman.

  • TroyGates

    A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: ‘Doctor, I have a
    serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1
    year old and I’m pregnant again. I don’t want kids so close together.’

    So the doctor said: ‘Ok and what do you want me to do?’

    She said: ‘I want you to end my pregnancy, and I’m counting on your help with this.’

    The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: ‘I think I have a better solution for your problem. It’s less dangerous for you too.’

    She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request. Then he
    continued: ‘You see, in order for you not to have to take care 2 babies
    at the same time, let’s kill the one in your arms. This way, you could
    rest some before the other one is born. If we’re going to kill one of
    them, it doesn’t matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your
    body if you chose the one in your arms.’

    The lady was horrified and said: ‘No doctor! How terrible! It’s a crime to kill a child!’

    ‘I agree’, the doctor replied. ‘But you seemed to be OK with it, so I thought
    maybe that was the best solution.’

    The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that’s already been born and one that’s still in the womb. The crime is the same!

  • Ben Bollman

    “Ha ha ha ha, let’s all have a laugh at something appalling to cover up the fact I don’t have a soul”

  • lazypadawan

    This is from the same media giant that argues pedophilia is an orientation. Being depraved and sick are job requirements at Gawker.

  • Sasha Williams

    Did you guys feel this bad about all the Palestinian children killed in bombings?

    • Angie (D)

      How about the US citizens Obama thinks he has the “authority” to kill without due process via drones? You don’t care about them, do you, you sick sociopathic dumbass.

    • J. Cox

      I am sure we feel worse about their deaths than you do about the Israeli children murdered by suicide bombers….but then again..another subject you would love to blame everyone else right?

    • Noah Lee

      ummmm, no. Palestinian children grow up to be bomb belt wearing savages.

  • Bozo Sapien

    Gawker and the pigs who work there have been out of control for a while now. They also love to slip their politically driven articles into sites like Kotaku, their video game blog, where they don’t belong. As much as it pains me to say it, I think we need The Fairness Doctrine to be reinstated in this country. Our society currently resembles the fictional future depicted in John Carpenter’s They Live.

  • detroit19

    I don’t know…how old was your Mom when you were born? Thinking around ‘that’ age.

  • waltzingmtilda

    What I don’t get is why the tweeters who are outraged by this article RT or link it. Why give them the extra views?

    Having said that, I’m off to read it.

  • Raye09

    I dislike Jezebel magazine, mainly because it is a group of elite, racist hipsters who have no idea how most people live. Hence the “Forever 21” comment, most 24-27 year old women in my area can’t afford to shop for new clothes period. Being able to buy cosmetics and new clothing is a luxury.
    That being said most of their articles focus on bashing either stay at home moms and wives, victorias secret, and TV shows they find sexist. They also love to throw around the term “slut shaming” anytime someone calls out slutty behavior.
    I don’t find this article entertaining or funny, abortion is a serious decision and procedure and these women make it seem like they are going to get their hair cut.