Earlier this week, the Department of Homeland Security released an instructional video on what to do if “confronted with an active shooter situation.” Suggestions include hiding and defending yourself with scissors. No, really:


Oh, puh-leeze. Cue the mockfest:




Fool-proof advice. Thanks, guys.

  • http://ConservativeMom.net/ LoriGirl

    Duhpartment of Homeland Stupidity.

  • SCMark

    Anyone else just have a flashback to that old “duck and cover” video from the civil defense folks in the 1950s? Atomic bomb? Duck and cover!

    • Kabong30

      The difference being that we can actually do something about an active shooter if the government would shut up and get out of the way.

  • Ntr

    It’s things like this that remind me of why i wasn’t that fond of the DHS being created under Bush. All because of what Democratic party “leadership” would turn it into.

  • RIChris

    #DHSTips Robust diplomacy.

  • greywulf1064


    • bonnieblue2A


  • http://pinterest.com/j0s1395/ Josephine (D)

    #DHStips smack your attacker with your purse!

    • bonnieblue2A

      Required training of watching Youtube videos of Ruth Buzzy beating Tim Conway off a park bench.

  • greywulf1064

    Get your assault scissors before they are banned

  • http://twitter.com/Gator_Country Stephen K

    Identify yourself as the office United Way organizer. That should send your attacker scrambling for the nearest exit.

  • Steve_J

    As soon as somebody kills an attacker with a pair of scissors the Democrats would have hearings and introduce bills that would not allow any scissors wilth blades longer than 2″.

  • FreedomCzar

    Thank you, I prefer my Glock 23.

  • Steve_J

    The scissors will only work if a person is attacked by a mugger with paper. If that person only has a rock, fuhgeddaboutit

    • http://www.theconservativevoices.com/ dmacleo

      ahhh but then you can grab paper and beat him :)

    • Canadian in USA

      But can decapitate his attack lizard but if he comes with Spock you’re finished. (Big Bang Theory reference for those who don’t know. :) ).

      • Blake Waymire

        Then you just grab some paper and he’s all done.

  • Paul

    lol it’s so funny i mean they think people are going to panic or something?!? like who WOULDN’T know what to do in that situation. This reminds me of how people are taught to stay calm and stop drop and roll when they’re on fire. Uhhh duh! LOLOLOL TCOT

  • Jack Deth

    #DHStips: Pretend you are French and the shooter is a Briton and fart in his general direction!

    #DHStips: Break into a Medley of Liza Minnelli, Cher or Barbra Streisand show tunes!

    #DHStips: Rush the shooter with a plugged in Paper Shredder. Hey, it worked in ‘Operation: Endgame’!

  • walterc

    Put your coat over your head and stand in corner and try to look like a coat rack. Maybe he won’t notice you. If the perp does attack you, try to put your trash can over your head for protection ala knights of the round table.

    • bonnieblue2A

      It helps to summon one’s best fake English accent and protest to the attacker after every wound “I’m not dead yet”……h/t Monty Python.

  • Love of Country

    If scissors are effective deadly weapons …. then shouldn’t all schools keep them under lock and key to protect the children or simply ban them outright?

    What about the safety of the children??? But if scissors aren’t effective deadly weapons, then how the heck does Barack Owebamao get away with telling us to use them against ruthless armed home invaders? This is unconscionable, no?

    BTW – Michelle Malkin was on Cavuto today discussing this unfortunate video with Eric Bolling … repeat of show later this evening on FBN if you care to indulge :)

  • DanStlMo

    So it’s OK to fight back, just don’t use a gun.

  • Right Wired

    Some I’m guessing that all an “active shooter” needs to do is to watch this video and we’re screwed.

  • Right Wired

    Find a long hallway with lots of doors. Run back and forth across the hallway, entering and exiting a different door each time.

    This is call the “Scooby-doo Method.” It’s quite effective against pirate ghosts, swamp monsters and yetis.

  • FeralFemale

    Yes, silly. But I have to admit, I’ve thought about what I would do in the event of an office shooting (I work in a very, very hated department responsible for terminations and discipline) and my plan involved scissors.

    I figure I would shut and lock my steel office door and hide under my steel desk with my serious a$$ big steel scissors. If the perp makes it in my office and comes around the desk, I’m stabbing his achilles with my big a$$ scissors because, unfortunately, our company property is a Gun Free Zone.
    I just hope he isn’t carrying a rock, because rock beats scissors every time.

    • bonnieblue2A

      It would stand to reason that paper and a rubber stamp would be the superior defense tool over a rock. Afterall, death by one-thousand papercuts is the time proven bureaucratic tactic.

      If Obama and AG Fast ‘n Furious can hide behind a piece of paper stamped “Executive Privilege” why can’t we do same?

  • mhojai

    Next, “assault scissors” will have to be banned

  • Todd

    They forgot the put your head between you’re leg and kiss your ass goodbye part. Scissors vs active shooter, I’ll stick with my small framed 9mm, in Texas we are still allowed to defend ourselves.

  • Steven Swenson

    If scissors are an approved defense weapon shouldn’t they be issued to the cops instead of guns?

  • John (it true me am)

    Shorter video: Evacuate! Unless that’s a bad idea. Then hide. Unless that’s a bad idea too. Umm, grab scissors maybe? That’s definitely a bad idea, but give it a go.

  • John (it true me am)

    Shorter video: Evacuate! Unless that’s a bad idea. Then hide. Unless that’s a bad idea too. Umm, grab scissors maybe? That’s definitely a bad idea, but give it a go.