Unassigned

Veterans on X OBLITERATE Bond Trader Rando For Claiming That 'No One In the Military Wants to Serve'

Grateful Calvin
Grateful Calvin  |  2:00 PM on March 14, 2026


Normally at Twitchy, we don't highlight tweets from your average rando who posts nonsense for clicks. But, on occasion, someone posts a tweet that is so galactically stupid that it goes viral, and we can't let it slide without mocking it into oblivion. 

Advertisement

And it's even better when we can turn over the dragging to our heroes who have served in the United States Armed Forces. 

This was the case yesterday afternoon when an account who calls himself 'Fixed Income Guy' and purports to be some kind of expert in the bond trading market (which almost assuredly means he will lose you money faster than Jim Cramer) decided to weigh in on the military and who it is who wears our nation's uniform. 

Responding to reports yesterday that a Marine Expeditionary Unit is being deployed to the Middle East, and without knowing ANY of the context for those orders, 'Fixed Income Guy' decided that this was the best time to let America and the world know that no one actually wants to serve in our military. 

Oh. Oh, dear. This poor, sweet summer child. 

This was not going to go well for him. Not even a little bit. 

But that makes it more fun for us to grab some popcorn and watch him get absolutely BODIED by America's veterans.

Let's start with a simple truth that everyone knows -- or at least should know. 

Recommended

All Guilty! ‘Imaginary’ Antifa Terrorists Who Targeted ICE in Texas Face Real Time in Prison
Warren Squire
Advertisement

This is 100 percent true. And anyone who is a Marine, or even anyone who knows a Marine, understands it. 

HA! 

Never give up on your dreams. 

There was also the lie that the military just 'takes advantage of poor people,' something that has never been true of the all-volunteer military, and was only falsely promoted during the era of the draft. 

And we can guarantee that all four of them were 100 times smarter than 'Fixed Income Guy.'

It sure beats trying to scrounge for a few dollars on X by deliberately posting engagement bait.

Wow, now that's just sad. That's a Krassenstein level of pathetic. 

Advertisement

Maybe if he had served, this account wouldn't be so desperate for a few dollars. 

We guess that whole bond trading thing isn't going as well for him as he would have everyone believe. 

The account made it even worse for himself when he tried to claim that 'he knows someone in the military.'

OOF. 

We're pretty certain that 'Kyle' doesn't exist, but even if he does, we're guessing he's pretty proud of his job.

Sergeant Major Mike Vining, on the other hand, DOES exist, and he is a legend, one of America's greatest living heroes. 

Advertisement

His parents are probably pretty ashamed of themselves, too. 

... pushed himself physically to run a marathon months later and he has enlisted in the Army to become an EW specialist.  He ACTUALLY wants to serve. And I’m super proud of him.

That's what a proud dad who did his job right sounds like. 

It's never about the money. But 'Fixed Income Guy' can't understand that because that's ALL he cares about. 

Advertisement

As for the part about enlisting for 'free stuff', he's wrong about that as well, as one of our favorite veterans, Tugboat Phil, pointed out. 

Amen. Add that to the endless lists of things that 'Fixed Income Guy' will never understand. 

There were plenty of other replies using epithets far worse than 'jerk.' Since Twitchy is a family site, we'll just include a couple of them. 

That's putting it mildly. 

That much was obvious right from the beginning. 

So was that. 

Advertisement

LOL. 

Every time. 

We could keep going on forever, but we'll let one more veteran sum up how wrong 'Fixed Income Guy' was. 

... great-uncle Carl was in the 101st Airborne and did a Korea stint as a supply officer. My uncle Ken was a Seventh Fleet naval officer.

I could go on and on, you get the picture. Making those men proud is why I joined the Army. I'm glad they paid me for it, but some days I would have done it for free.

We are grateful to you and all of the men in your family who came before you. 

None of whom were desperate cowards like the original poster. 

We almost didn't write this story because we know 'Fixed Income Guy' is only happy for the engagement. But we've seen his X paychecks (he posts them online because, of course, he does), and they are pretty measly.

He's not going to get rich off of us. Possibly, he might be able to afford a better brand of tinned cat food for himself.

Advertisement

On the other hand, his post did give us the opportunity to highlight so many of our veterans, all of whom are far better men and women, and none of whom fit this fictional description of those who serve. 

And that's something we really enjoy doing, just so we can thank them all one more time.

============================================

Related:

Journos Need to Learn How to Take Their Ls (Yes, I'm Talking About You, Acosta)

Chuck Todd Finds Out the Hard Way That There IS Such a Thing As a Stupid Question

The Free Press Does the 'Norm': The REAL Problem in America Is the GOP's Anti-Muslim Bigotry

Worst ... Sitcom ... EVER! Tom Steyer Alleges Eric Swalwell Rents a Single Room for CA Residency

Lady, Put Down the Shovel: Abby Phillip Tries a Half Apology, Gets Walloped With an EPIC Ratio