When last we checked in on The ScienceTM, they were fresh off of diabolically engineering superviruses with gain of function research and getting ready to enact C. Montgomery Burns's plan from The Simpsons to block out the sun in order to fight the 'climate crisis.'
Wonderful. I'm sure that's going to work out wonderfully and not result in the skies being scorched like we all lived in The Matrix.
But as scary as all of that sounds, it's nothing compared to what researchers got themselves up to this week at Yellowstone National Park.
Let's take a look:
Yellowstone is using a 53,000-pound vibrator truck to create custom-made earthquakes to study the supervolcano the park sits on. The goal is to learn more about the massive magma chamber that makes Yellowstone such a dynamic geological wonderland.https://t.co/8faeZPizPp
— Cowboy State Daily (@daily_cowboy) May 4, 2025
Oh, FFS.
Did none of these people listen to Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park?
Needless to say, this new research project of inducing mini-earthquakes above a dormant supervolcano has conjured up a few other not-so-fond remembrances from the world of pop culture and movies.
Aw yeah, keep it up fellas, this outta be good! pic.twitter.com/m5MkbsXs3v
— Grape-kun's PISSED! (@RickyBaker_2111) May 4, 2025
This sounds like the beginning of a really scary movie about climate change starring John Cusack or some other communist douchebag.
— The🐰FOO (@PolitiBunny) May 5, 2025
Maybe leave the super volcano alone? https://t.co/pNJoiIgsQm
It actually was the plot for a disaster movie already. In the hilariously bad The Core, a top-secret government project called DESTINI (Deep Earth Seismic Trigger INItiative) was revealed to be the reason that the Earth's core stopped spinning.
And we don't even have D.J. Qualls on our side to help solve this disaster.
The universal opinion on X was that this was a monumentally BAD idea.
do not taunt Happy Fun Supervolcano
— Virginia Project (@ProjectVirginia) May 4, 2025
Stay with me. They are called “Mad Scientists” for a reason.
— Midwest Rando (@RandoMidwest) May 5, 2025
Uh, I’m not a geologist, but are we sure that poking the slumbering super volcano is a good idea? https://t.co/ezbBRrJG6n
— Cardinal Brutal American (@Gimblin) May 5, 2025
I um...I'm not sure that poking the supervolcano is a smart move. Oh sure, it's all fun and games until the caldera explodes and wipes out the population of many US states while simultaneously causing a global winter that will cause mass starvation for the rest of humanity. https://t.co/LnhqStcKZh
— Physics Geek (@physicsgeek) May 5, 2025
According to the article from Cowboy State Daily above, the project has already been completed (nice of them to tell us after the fact). The geologists determined that the supervolcano was inert and that there have been no adverse aftereffects from sending mini-earthquakes into it.
Oh, sure. That's what they always say right before the Pacific Rim-style interdimensional rift opens up and the enormous kaiju monsters start swarming through it.
The last time I checked, we didn't have any giant mecha-warrior robots to fight those off. Elon Musk is too busy wasting time trying to get to Mars.
Gain of function..?
— Grape-kun's PISSED! (@RickyBaker_2111) May 4, 2025
Blocking out the sun..?
Nah... lets simulate earthquakes on top of the Yellowstone supervolcano.
At least that'll be quick. https://t.co/IfP3SsPYCl pic.twitter.com/n2wJG5ytJz
If Tony Fauci is behind the Yellowstone earthquake research project, we might as well all just say our goodbyes to each other right now.
*head in hands*
— alexandriabrown (@alexthechick) May 5, 2025
Do not Torment Nexxus the supervolcano, please. https://t.co/Tg5POsD60j
Are you f*****g kidding me???
— Dan Franck 🇻🇦🇺🇲🪖🎲 (@GrampsToolshed) May 4, 2025
This must be some super-villain's Armageddon plot or something. https://t.co/G8LEq93Ksn
It sounds like something out of the warped mind of Alex Soros, who recently appeared with Huma Abedin in the pages of The New Yorker looking exactly like an effeminate supervillain.
Geologists to the super volcano. https://t.co/ui8EYkXBYv pic.twitter.com/vKzjL8pIZb
— 3gunGorilla (@GomesBolt) May 5, 2025
Yes, let’s piss off the sleeping super volcano. pic.twitter.com/FhyvFef8yj
— Crispus Attucks, Esq 🥃 (@cattucks1775) May 4, 2025
Let's face it. SMOD is never going to deliver from space. We might as well bring on the apocalypse from below.
It reminds me of another classic tale about a race of people who didn't know when or how to stop digging a hole toward their own demise.
And no, just to be clear, we don't have a demigod like Gandalf to protect us from that either.
So, pretty please, scientists ...
With sugar on top ...
For the love of God and all of us here on Earth, please slow down before you destroy us all.
