No, really. This has moved beyond slack-jawed incredulity into total self-parody territory.

What is racist about a child’s lunch, one might ask? Peanut butter and jelly, of course! You racists probably even use black currant jelly sometimes. On white bread.

That’s right. The Handbook of Racial Code words does not just include nefarious terms like “kitchen cabinet” and “chair.” Now it exposes the “subtle racism” of … peanut butter.

The Portland Tribune, in an article titled “Schools beat the drum for equity,” reports (hard to keep a straight face typing that) on the “subtle language of racism” discovered by principal Verenice Gutierrez every day. Every. Day!

Take the peanut butter sandwich, a seemingly innocent example a teacher used in a lesson last school year.

“What about Somali or Hispanic students, who might not eat sandwiches?” says Gutierrez, principal at Harvey Scott K-8 School, a diverse school of 500 students in Northeast Portland’s Cully neighborhood.

“Another way would be to say: ‘Americans eat peanut butter and jelly, do you have anything like that?’ Let them tell you. Maybe they eat torta. Or pita.”

Insert flabbergasted face. How about this? Another way would be to say, “Shut up and let my kid eat her sammich.”

A racist sammich, you mean! The sane are quick to rightly mock this latest asinine claim.

Guess what? When everything is racist, then nothing actually is. Good job, idjits!

Enough with the Boy Who Cried Dog Whistle. And make us a sammich.

  • Chip

    they won’t be able to wear cotton soon……

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      Oh my heavens! You had to play the “cotton card” didn’t you!!

  • Love of Country

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again … Democrats need racism like they need oxygen …. and the proof grows by the minute/hour/day.

    • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

      Actually, I think their issues stem from a severe lack of oxygen… to their brains. So maybe they really DO need oxygen? How about this…

      Democrats need racism like they need another piehole to spew it from. There! Oh, I said piehole… watch out for Jason Biggs!

      • Love of Country

        Yeah, you gotta watch those double meanings and code words …. you never know when a dog whistle weilding liberal is around the next corner, lol.

  • J.N. Ashby

    Who gave this dumbbell woman a doctorate?! So help me, if I have to hear about this boogeyman called “white privilege” one more time!

    Look out, little black and hispanic children! White Privilege is hiding under your bed and he’s (because let’s face it White Privilege has to be an evil white MAN as well) gonna gobble you up!

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      Well, JN, you just couldn’t control your racism! Nice reference to a bed, which has “sheets”, and we all know that is code for KKK.

      (it’s really quite easy to think like a liberal. I just stop thinking at all and I know what the correct response will be)

      • J.N. Ashby

        Damn! I didn’t think of that. The sheets are what give White Privilege his power. When you’re “tucked in” with “sheets,” y’all are, basically, in chains…even in your own bed! 😀
        Also, I’d refrain from calling them “liberals.” There’s nothing liberal about Statism.

        • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

          It comes from spreading their filth around. “Apply liberally”.

          • J.N. Ashby

            Hahaha

      • GaryTheBrave

        If all the liberals died the average IQ of the nation would rise by 70-80 points.

  • J. Cox

    Uggg..I just read the article…and by golly…that teacher just made me dumber.I wonder if next week,eggs will be racist,since the majority that are consumed are the white shelled variety.

    • weRbroke

      Oh good, my eggs are brown…I am not a racist.

      • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

        Well, Mr. Racist! I guess you haven’t looked INSIDE your eggs lately. They’re a majority WHITE!!

        • weRbroke

          Does it count if they came out of black chickens?

          • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

            Right now there are thousands of liberal heads exploding at that question!

          • Jay Stevens

            That is worse because you are subjugating black chickens. Plus, the yolks are yellow – still racist. And if you separate the eggs for any reason and just eat the whites, you are still racist.

          • Guest

            What if I burn the eggs? Then they would be black.

          • weRbroke

            I already feed them the organic food, let them run free range and clean their coop. Would it change things if I shoved a quarter up their rear as payment for goods delivered?

          • http://www.facebook.com/d0nna.ac0sta Donna Acosta

            Having raised chickens for years as a kid…oh my…! Bahahahahahaha!

          • http://pennyrobinsonfanclub.net/ PennyRobinsonFanClub

            I’m afraid even starting to talk about chickens is racist . . . if you know what I mean.

          • Pete Futz

            Of course, the black chickens were owned and subjected to rape by a rich white man.

          • weRbroke

            My black chickens were born in the USA. Does that make them A-A Chickens or are they still just Jungle Fowl?

        • http://pennyrobinsonfanclub.net/ PennyRobinsonFanClub

          Hey, new metaphor for those sellout Uncle Toms, like an egg brown outside, white inside – – – and YELLOW at the core!

          • Love of Country

            Heck, what about O’Commie …. he’s just like the NYT’s of yesteryear …… Black and white and red all over!

        • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

          Oh man, don’t get me started on eggrolls!

        • Ken Alan Draper

          and if your on a diet you’r doubly racist, because you seperate the whites.

  • tjp77

    Everything is racist, always. Because America is a racist country and racism is our history and heritage and every day there is more and more racism until there’s nothing but racism in the racism and all over the racism racism racism.

    Oh and racism.

    • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

      Lol!

  • TocksNedlog

    Black kids should not be allowed to eat crackers.

    Just sayin’

  • deejayaz

    *Heads to make peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sammie*

    Chew on that one! 😉

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      May I substitute peanut butter, honey and banana, please?

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHY_xOj2M_g PistolsForPandas

        bananas are yellow, TugboatPhil. Why do you hate asian people?
        /typical leftard

      • Pete Futz

        who are calling “honey” you must be a sexist also.

    • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

      Aaaand.. the color of that fluff?

  • TocksNedlog

    Are not the Somali and Hispanic students at that school ALSO Americans?

    • J.N. Ashby

      Only when it’s convenient for their rhetoric.

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      Yes, but none of them watch the thousands of hours of TV showing Americans making, eating and talking about sandwiches. They are incapable of understanding what all those rows of bread, jars of peanut butter and jelly and butter knifes are doing in stores.

    • Ken Alan Draper

      Yes, but in the liberal world they are to keep to their culture. seems racist to me, like our culture is too good for them or something.

  • no_more_deceit

    Wasn’t peanut butter invented by a black dude?

    • MileHighinAZ

      Why, yes, but if you ask most black liberals today, George Washington Carver was a sell-out to the black people, because…well, I don’t know why, but he was. So there.

      • LightSabre

        LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      Yes, but to put the peanut butter between slices of WHITE bread, and then name it after an English Earl is an obvious attempt to crush all non-whites in the jaws of Euro-Centric Imperialism….mmmm, delicious Imperialism!

      • Grammie

        Perhaps if we put the peanut butter and jelly on the outside of the white bread that would denote black power putting down the man and then the kids could just eat their damn lunch.

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHY_xOj2M_g PistolsForPandas

        And the sad part about it: the blackest, most widely available bread is called pumpernickel, a Euro-centric name if ever there was one.

        :-‘(

      • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

        Wait, there was an Earl of PB&J??? Seriously? I really don’t know history, then.

        • Cherilynn Campbell

          Earl of Sandwich…not pb&j…two separate things combined in one delicious lunchtime staple.

        • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

          I got it, K. You get an extra 100 points for sarcastic word twisting!

    • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

      Oh boy… the bread slicer, back in 1928 was invented by a German dude.
      Otto Frederick Rohwedder.

      • http://pennyrobinsonfanclub.net/ PennyRobinsonFanClub

        Oh yeah, the bread slicer! That was the greatestinvention since slic— never mind.

        • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

          Hahaha, lol!

    • http://pennyrobinsonfanclub.net/ PennyRobinsonFanClub

      Kind of. The mythology of George Washington Carver is stunning. I mean he DID achieve some great things, but “inventing” peanut butter was more like finding a better recipe. In fact a lot of his discoveries credited as “inventions” are nothing but recipes using peanuts. As for the legendary dynamite made of peanuts — legendary and nothing but.

      • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

        But still a great, and highly under-appreciated American!

    • Postbackxp

      Black Children have lost so much because of the libs.
      A real McCoy to them may be somebody fighting a Hatfield

      Of course the progressive libs steal lie and cheat people out of everything then
      blame it on sombody else.

      They may have been taught that Carver waz a old white prez from GA.

    • Ken Alan Draper

      Yes, but in the world of the people in this piece if you eat something that isn’t eaten in a third world country, you are racist. so taking that “logic” to it’s rational end doesn’t that make anyone who doesn’t eat what Americans eat are racist towards Americans?

  • thetawake

    So, by this principal’s logic, I have to tell my kids they can’t have tacos tonight as promised. They have to have sandwiches because that’s what Americans eat. What a racist!

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      How about taco sandwiches? Maybe put some mayo between the bread and taco shell. I hear that Americans (code for “white people”) eat a lot of mayo.

    • Donna Acosta

      Soooo…since I’m White and my husband’s family hails from Mexico, can we have avocado on bread? Or peanut butter on tortillas…?

      • Ken Alan Draper

        Peanut butter & Jelly Chimichongas. or your an “Uncle Tomas”.

  • gator

    Um what? Is there something im missing here. Just the other day I had a 20 year old try to correct me because i said “that black dude over there.” He was quick to try to make into racist comment. To which i asked said black dude, which i know from doing business with, can you settle an argument here. I went over it with him he just looked at the kid and said in his subtle way, “wtf is your problem kid.”

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      I know what you mean. I look forward to the day when a news report will sound something like this:

      “Police are looking for a suspect who robbed a store today. The suspect is a person, and was last seen wearing clothes and shoes. Citizens who see the suspect are advised to approach with respect and tolerance. The suspect is believe to be carrying the burden of racism.”

      • Pete Futz

        I remember quite a few years ago I watched a fight on TV. The boxers had on very similar trunks but one guy was white and the other black. The entire fight the announcers fell all over themselves when describing who was who because they were too PC to say the black guy or the white guy.

    • TomJB

      Still would love to see a kid like this call Lennox Lewis or Usain Bolt an “African-American” to their face just to see what happens.

      • GaryTheBrave

        Don’t forget the African-Americans on the Jamaican Bobsled Team.

        About the time that “African-American” became the accepted term I saw an article for kids in an Idaho newspaper that said that people from Africa are called African-Americans.

        • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

          Can I be forever henceforth known as ‘Caucasian American’? I mean, I know I didn’t emigrate here from the Caucasus Mountain region, but if we’re going to be uptight about it, sheesh!

          • Pete Futz

            I want to be referred to as a “French Canadian American man”….if you call me white, you are a racist.

          • 101st Airborne

            lmao

          • http://www.facebook.com/d0nna.ac0sta Donna Acosta

            ROFLOL!! From now on, I want — nay, I demand! — that you refer to me as a “Irish-English-Dutch-French-Apache-Irish straight American woman” — if you call me White, you are heterophobic, sexist, and racist. And don’t get them out of order, either…Bahahahahaha!

          • Ken Alan Draper

            Yeah those of us with “Diverse” family trees are being discriminated against. by the Monoethnic man!

      • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

        Tom, I’m pretty sure it was an Olympics race where one of the runners was Kenyan (sorry for the birther code) or Ethiopian. The announcer was tripping over his tongue and a couple of time referred to him as an African, African-American.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pelagiamargaret.buchanan Pelagia Margaret Buchanan

    How can a peanut butter sandwich be racist? A black George Washington Carver, The Peanut Scientist made it where peanut butter could be mass produced. You do not like it because it is a sandwich? On white bread it makes the perfect statement of black, white, with an asian past. What can be a more perfect multi-national food? Please send this educator back to school to learn the difference in facts and democrat kool-aid. Or just teach this person to use wikipedia or any other encylopedia!

  • marcellucci

    I feel terrible……my underwear is 100% cotton……

  • NumbuhOne

    Are both smooth and chunky peanut butter racist? And is grape jelly an ameliorating factor? the jelly’s from Concord, VT which is pretty far to the left so that might help. Oh yeah, the white bread is actually white wheat, so it’s not really white.

    These fools need a rectal-cranial disentanglement operation.

    • J.N. Ashby

      White wheat bread has been bleached as well. It’s basically the Uncle Tom of breads.
      As long as the jelly isn’t made from white grapes, it should be square though. Though the jelly should feel bad for being from VT because the demographic isn’t “colorful” enough in VT.
      Chunky is absolutely racist. “Chunky” evokes certain thoughts such as the ice cream, “Chunky Monkey,”…I’ll let you do that math on that one!
      Smooth is racist somehow, I’m just running out of absurdities.

  • Im_Rick_James

    And we wonder why our schools are turning out a bunch of retards…

  • GDMace

    Don’t forget chocolate milk, brown bread, and yellow rice. Jesus Christ, this country is doomed.

    • Jay Stevens

      M&M’s …

    • http://www.facebook.com/d0nna.ac0sta Donna Acosta

      I was doing all right until I got to your post…now I’m hungry. Since I’m of Native American and Irish descent, is it okay if I eat some green M & Ms with my red wine? Or do I have to go with white chocolate…ew…

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHY_xOj2M_g PistolsForPandas

    These people would find CLOUDS racist.

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      Uhh, yeah! WHITE clouds! How much more racist can you get. Oh yeah, and the “white” clouds are always “above” the brown earth!

      • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

        Dark clouds are always angry, too! Storms and stuff. Ever see/hear thundersnow? I haven’t.

  • Adela Wagner

    My kids are grown and gone..after eating MANY PBJ’s, but we actually hate white bread, and I am half Cuban so hope I am “ok”. I just have one, perhaps related, question. If I go out tonight and wear my “little black dress” while also wearing a string of pearls (white pearls) will I still be “ok”, would not want to offend anyone (puke). Just when you thought this crap could not possibly get any crappier. We just had that other school “Principal” saying the kids could not sing a song about America, but a stupid Justin Beiber song was just dandy. This is NOT the America my mother escaped Cuba for. So sad.

    • http://pennyrobinsonfanclub.net/ PennyRobinsonFanClub

      If you go out in a little black dress wearing a string of white pearls . . . I am sure you will be devastatingly beautiful.

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      Adela, The easy to remember, rule for determining if racism is present, goes something like this:

      If you do wear a black dress you aren’t racist. If you wear white pearls, you are racist unless a) you are a Democrat or b) you are a RINO and spend the evening telling everyone around you that you are Republican but don’t agree with anything they stand for.

      Remember, Liberals and Democrats are incapable of any behavior that they accuse Conservatives or Republicans of having.

  • AZcommenter

    If those Somali and hispanic students are so traumatized at the mention of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, perhaps they should return to their own countries, where there is less risk of them being exposed to such shocking examples of American culture.
    These Somalis and hispanics choose to come and live in the U.S. so that they can take advantage of everything the U.S. offers them, but God forbid if while they’re living in OUR country and attending OUR schools they are actually exposed to OUR culture.
    Voters of Portland: why are you tolerating this type of nonsense in your schools?

  • grais

    What about the Somali and Hispanic students? I’ve got two things to say.
    When in Rome….
    and
    When life serves you lemons, shut up and eat your damn lemons.

    • TexSizzle

      When in India, do as the Hindu. [Uh-oh, someone’s going to call me racist now.]

  • 101st Airborne

    Call me what you want, but I love me some Peanut Butter & Jelly……

  • Grumpa Grumpus

    . . . As Progressive conversation continues to sound more like a serenade of smurfs every day . . .

    “That’s smurfist, Grampa Grumpus! Go back to bed!

    It’s almost smurf so I’ll go have a smurfism sandwich on smurf bread!”

    Yet, there are ppl who’ll wag their tail and follow these pied-pipers.

    “Race relations” were doing a lot better before Progressives started trying to “heal” us.

    I’ve know many people, of all colors and beliefs. Some of every color, w/o exception, have been bigots…

    But every Progressive, w/o exception, have been bigots.

    It is integral to the philosophy, (for those who wonder why…).

    • carla5731

      Did you see the story last year where a high school student was volunteering at an elementary school in Seattle and wanted to give out candy filled eggs on her last day? The administration made her refer to them as “spring spheres” but the kids were smarter and called them Easter eggs.

      http://mynorthwest.com/?nid=11&sid=459668

      That’s probably the last time candy or Western culture was allowed in the school.

      • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

        Spring spheres? Eggs are actually ovoid… not spherical.

        • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

          Probably union teachers.

  • Guest

    And you KNOW these same aceclowns are the ones who beat their breast and wail abou Ignorant, Benighted Americans

  • http://pennyrobinsonfanclub.net/ PennyRobinsonFanClub

    And you just know these are the same aceclowns who will beat their breast and call down curses from the sky on one of those crude, ignorant Americans who goes into a Chinese restaurant and asks for a fork instead of chopsticks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mickey.byrd.12 Mickey Byrd

    PEANUT BUTTER! PEANUT BUTTER! PEANUT BUTTER! PEANUT BUTTER!

    Call me what you wish but I’m going to have a peanut butter sammich while sitting in a CHAIR!

  • BeeKaaay

    Wait. Peanut butter is racist?

    Jimmah Carter is a peanut farmer.

    JIMMAH CARTER IS RACIST!!!!!!

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      No. Cousin Jimma is a Democrat and therefore incapable of racism.

      • BeeKaaay

        Demmahcrat racism is not really racism, just ask the MSM :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1003376721 Sheldon Cooper

    Well, **** me. These freaking liberals are loosing their damn minds. ENOUGH!!!!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

    This has been one of the most fun threads on Twitchy ever! Thanks to everyone for helping to make fun of the absurdity that is daily forced upon us by the PC industry!

  • GoSellCrazySomeplaceElse

    Run Reese’s Peanut Butter cups, run. I set you free.

  • weRbroke

    She holds a PhD in Curriculum and Instruction.
    this degree is for people who WANT to create the materials used by teachers in the classroom.
    Where is she going with this?

    • Grumpa Grumpus

      @weRbroke:
      Oh, yes I’ve heard of phuds of that sort.

      You don’t go in to defend your work — they just weigh your dissertation, right?

      candidate:
      Finally! After a grueling weekend of work, it’s time to type up my dissertation!

      Now where did I put that quarter-ream of 60# bond?

      Wilson & Dewey blighted the University concept. Ever read Wilson’s multi-volume? Great for insomnia! Turgid, self-important bilge. The current school system — where no one actually learns anything, but everyone exits fully propagandized into the Progressive viewpoint — is what he was aiming for! He was very successful.

  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady

    I remember learning in school that George Washington Carver was a hero for promoting peanut butter. Now PB is raaaaacist? If you remember Carver, who was born a slave, became a celebrated botanist and scientist. He promoted groiwng peanuts because they helped restore spent cotton farm soil in the south, but poor black and white share croppers did not have a market for peanuts. So he promoted peanut butter.

    So this Portland school teacher is obviously RAAAAACIST for suggesting peanut butter is bad. She is also stupid for not knowing the history of peanut butter in this country.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/WE7G3DRKFQY7R2CFCAW74AHGKU Paul

      Boston Market’s “Carver Sandwich” is clearly racist.

  • Michael

    Here’s a ‘courageous’ artist who celebrates the lowly Peanut & Butter sandwich that has served generations of school children: http://www.artistsnetwork.com/medium/watercolor/sandy-oconnor-artist-of-the-month?lid=CHarnnl091112&et_mid=578884&rid=2747116

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/WE7G3DRKFQY7R2CFCAW74AHGKU Paul

    Happy Meals = Homophobic Slur;
    Roast Beef Sandwich = Anti-sikh Affront;
    Pulled Pork Sandwich = Clearly a jab at the Hispanic population;
    Half Rack of Ribs = Sexism;
    Full Rack of Ribs = Even more sexism;
    Bacon Cheese Burger = Islamophobia;
    Chili Dog = Racism and Sexism on a bun;
    Buns = Sexism
    Fries = Racism
    Chocolate Cake = Racism
    The above list applies only to white males over 40, as they are the only people capable of any sort of bias or prejudice. Everyone else is just their innocent victims.

  • Brandon

    OK put two pieces of bread together and cover them in peanut butter, then eat it. Let me know how that works out for you

  • weRbroke

    In Somalia, they have been using a product called Plumpynut for years to combat starvation. “Dr. Sanjay Gupta recently penned a piece for CNN describing how Plumpy’Nut, a peanut paste, is helping children in Somalia that are suffering from severe hunger. Plumpy’Nut contains, in addition to peanut paste, vegetable oil, milk powder, vitamins and minerals. It can be consumed at home and costs less than fortified milk formulas, which were used in years past to attempt to curb malnutrition.”
    This PhD needs to check her own closet for the “white hate” she has hiding there.

  • Marco Anders

    Well why not, everything else is racist, right? I gotta be honest; some people in this country just need to be arrested on the spot for utter stupidity! This guy definitely qualifies.