Oh, joy. An Obama presser is scheduled for Tuesday morning.


Mark Knoller offers a preview:

We know what questions President Obama is willing to answer.

But as always, don’t hold your breath waiting for answers to questions that matter to those pesky Americans in flyover country. It’s a long list and we have less than an hour until President “I, um” takes the podium, but it’s a fair bet that these are some of the #QuestionsObamaWontAnswer.

And since listing topics Americans actually care about has proven a waste of time in the past, we might as well have a little fun while we’re waiting.

Keep ’em coming, Twitter. Obama pressers go down best with a healthy serving of mockery.


Editor’s note: This post has been updated with additional tweets.

  • Kem Tekinay

    Why should he answer questions he’ll never be asked?

    • Silenttype78


    • angeleyez

      Mr. President,
      do you support the radical Islamic Caliphate and Hillary Clinton’s gun
      running from Benghazi through Turkey to the Muslim brotherhood
      rebels in Syrian ?

      • JustLikeAnimals

        Bingo. This exactly what was going on. That’s why Stevens had just concluded a meeting with a Turkish official…..in Benghazi. Obama is guilty of orchestrating illegal international arms trafficking and Clinton is guilty of executing his strategy. Those few who are about to come forward are true patriots, and with over 100 more who were on the ground in Benghazi, let’s hope the precedent is set and the walls come tumbling down around this piss-poor excuse for a president. He’s nothing more than a Chicago, gangland-style thug.

        • anjullyn

          I actually have more respect for Chicago gangland style thugs.

  • pairadimes

    I have one. Why, Mr. President, are your fiscal and economic policies the exact opposite of those which once allowed Americans to build the greatest economy in all of recorded history?

  • http://www.freedomreconnection.com CO2 Producer

    QOWA: Invisible scalpels or transparent machetes? kthxbai

  • peteee363

    mr president, will you call kanye west, and ask him to have kim k. visit kermit gosnell, and have her blob of cells tossed in a dumpster? will you also advise halle berry the same advice?

  • peteee363

    mr persident, is it true reggie is really the first openly gay basketball player?

  • https://twitter.com/Captain_Cy_kun Cy

    I want the really hard hitting questions, like “what are you doing to get a third season of Jericho filmed?”

  • SJ’s Dad

    King Hussein,
    Now that Jason Collins has come out, do YOU have a proclamation for the subjects of your Obamanation?

  • nc

    Michelle, I love you, but how can BHO phone Gosnell’s victims? They’re DEAD.

    • stillinthe60s

      He could attend their funerals or at least send Biden. (Ala Sandy Hook and Boston victims.)

  • barney59

    Mr. President, Mr. President! Can you tell us how much they paid you for your cameo in the series “The Bible”?

    • Judy B

      Good one!

  • bidentime

    Mr. President have you heard the name Saeed Abedini? How about Shakil Afridi? No?

    Well then what time is your tee time?

    • Judy B

      Saeed is now in solitary confinement, he is in great peril.

  • rennyangel2

    Give ozero another chance for a public temper tantruma and defeat the “immig reform” krap now in the Sen. Call your Sen. 202-224-3121 and join NUmbers USA for free and send free faxes to DC.

  • Clayton Grant

    Mr President, why do you constantly blame Republicans for the failure of your policies, such as the scarequester?
    Related question: How do you plan on blaming Republicans for the Benghazi Blunder?

    • BlahBlah

      You meant Benghazi Binder? That’s on Romney!

  • journogal

    Well, according the President, he should “just pack up and go home. Golly.” when the press dared ask about the Great One’s second term failures. http://www.weeklystandard.com/blogs/obama-maybe-i-should-just-pack-and-go-home-golly_720259.html

    Are we dealing with a mature adult here? Did Bush ever say this? Could you imagine if he did? The media would burn itself down reporting on it. I can’t even see Clinton saying something like this.

    • Jim Denney

      That’s just another good idea he’ll never adopt.

  • capisce

    My post from last week on another site:

    Mr. President, how do feel about an infant swimming for it’s life in a monster’s toilet?
    Mr. President, when Richard Falk of the UN says “Boston got what it deserved”, how long did it take for you to draft a scathing condemnation?
    Mr. President, when the truth about your Secretary of State’s lies under oath came to light, were you just glad that your Benghazi lies haven’t been proven yet?
    Mr. President, what is the medical name for your condition that prohibits you from ever saying ‘terrorist’ when it is the ONLY relevant identifier?
    Mr. President, demonstrate how the shared sacrifice you so often tout applies here: $3 Million Retirement Cap in Obama’s Budget Would Not Apply to Him
    Mr. President, an independent report calculated you’ve spent 3.6% of your presidency on the economy – how much campaigning and fundraising time was sacrificed in order for you to achieve that stunning statistic?

    • Hiraghm

      Mr Obama, why is the Ft Hood massacre still considered “workplace violence”, yet a simple act of graffiti on a local mosque calls for an FBI investigation into “Hate Crime”?

  • Garth Haycock

    Did you have to learn to be a pompous ass, or did it just come naturally?

  • Dexter Alarius

    What’s in your college records you don’t want anyone to see?

  • Jim Denney

    Can you define “open and transparent again?

  • Michelle

    Why is it when a Muslim commits an act of violence, you tell us not to judge a group of people based on the acts of an individual, but when anyone commits an act of violence with a gun, you try to rally the country and Congress to judge me as a gun owner?

  • Judy Taylor

    What’s the story on Al Harbi? Has he been deported? Why was he a person of interest? Why was he considered a security risk?

  • BlahBlah

    When ARE you gonna pack up and go home?

  • ratizbad

    The Mafia and Terrorist are more credible than your lying corrupt ass!

  • Adela Wagner

    mister Prezzy,
    If either of your daughters should become preggers, will you be making an appointment with Kermit Gosnell for her, so she won’t be “burdened with a baby”?

  • 96Sunflowers

    What did Jay Z and Beyonce bring you back from Cuba?

  • stillinthe60s

    El President, Do you support a female president getting the same pay as a mom jeans president?

  • muckraker

    Mr, President, how many mulligans are you allowed per round? Does a foot wedge count as a stroke?