Rapper Jay-Z warmed up the crowd at an Obama rally in Columbus, Ohio today with the most obvious rewrite possible of his hit “99 Problems,” replacing the word “bitch” with “Mitt.” Get it? He’s got 99 problems, but Mitt ain’t one.


Although Jay-Z name-checked Mitt throughout the song, the prerecorded backing track happily boomed out “bitch” in unison.

The president told the crowd that he and Jay-Z have life stories that are similar, directly recycling a line he delivered after his September fundraiser at Jay-Z’s 40/40 club.

Jay-Z’s performance left the crowd fired up and ready to go to the polls … which closed earlier in the day in Ohio.


Also appearing on behalf of the president today was Bruce Springsteen, who we’ll credit with taking the time to write an original, albeit horrible, track for the campaign. Sadly, Jay-Z’s lyrical effort today was even outdone by Newark, N.J., Mayor Cory Booker, responding to a constituent.


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  • Danny Wheeler

    Mrs. Malkin, you shoulda typed “Zing!” at the end of Mr. Booker’s reply!

  • http://www.facebook.com/rafael.penariosribero Rafael Eduardo Peña-Rios Riber

    just NOW he thinks about that joke?
    just after the internet has basically overused it?
    this is ‘all-of-china-facepalming-at-the-same-time’ level of fail

  • Bea

    Crazy Uncle Joe gave us his whole load days ago and this is the best Fred and Lamont could come up with?

  • Tony0920

    Jay-Z and Madonna – keeping it classy.

  • orringtonmom (D)

    seriously, though… isn’t that an endorsement for Mitt?

    • http://twitter.com/yahneverknowCB yahneverknow

      Grmmer iz hard lyk maths?

  • ChicksLoveRight

    Hilarious! Now, about them jobs…

  • Peyton

    We gotta get Booker in our party.

  • Peyton

    He really wanted to say but Joe Biden aint one.

  • gr82cu2

    That’s 2 minutes and 30 seconds of my life I’ll never get back. I did not understand one word he said (sang)!!!! God help us! Who listens to this stuff? Obama the thug, gangsta President. Lord, please deliver us from this evil and once again grace the people’s house with loving, classy people like the Romney’s. It’s not too late, we can undo this shame. Amen!!!

  • Sarah Korin

    Free concerts really ARE the only way Odumbo seems to be able to draw a crowd these days…

  • Concerned

    In one of my law classes a while back, we chose songs to examine and pointed out different laws that were talked about being broken in the lyrics. One person chose to do “99 problems” and pointed out how Jay-z says something about being pulled over by the cops and not allowing them to illegally search his ****. However, the cops do have right to search your car if you are pulled over. So this line is incorrect. Just heard it again watching the video and thought I would share. Too sad.

    • GoSellCrazySomeplaceElse

      The cops have to have your permission to search your car, unless there’s probable cause, or something illegal is in plain sight.

      • Concerned

        and what is probable cause… anything they want it to be.

  • JesLHW

    “i told him the other day how our lives are parallel”

    So Obama shot his brother and stabbed a record producer at a night club?

    • https://twitter.com/AlessaRosewater Maria

      Or was Jay-Z born in Kenya too?

  • GoSellCrazySomeplaceElse

    I believe they’re both in the ‘Down Low Club’ and frontin’ as straight men…not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  • medicinewomantwo

    you ain’t shit until you donate alllllll your gold and $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

  • medicinewomantwo

    you ain’t shit until you donate alllllll your gold and $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

  • Gray Eagle

    j-z is a j-o

  • Gray Eagle

    j-z’s gutter talk matches obama’s gutter politics

  • https://twitter.com/AlessaRosewater Maria

    When Romney wins the Election it’s going to be, “We were having world problems, Now Mitt’s got Air Force One, I had 99 problems but Barack is done!”
    Jay-Z has never been the tower of intelligence with his made up words and simple rhyming schemes.

  • $129448

    Idiot drug dealer