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'D'oh!' McDonald's UK's new paper straws suck for all the wrong reasons

The UK is so much more progressive than the backward United States. That’s why McDonald’s restaurants there have progressed to paper straws instead of those awful plastic ones. We could learn so much from them.

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Namely that environmentalist-do-gooderism rarely does any good for the environment. Or for anyone, really.

More from CNN:

The straws were introduced to all 1,361 McDonald’s restaurants in the United Kingdom and Ireland after a trial last year.

But the fast food giant acknowledged on Monday that the new versions are too thick to be processed by its recyclers.

“While the materials are recyclable, their current thickness makes it difficult for them to be processed by our waste solution providers, who also help us recycle our paper cups,” a McDonald’s spokesman told the UK’s Press Association news agency.

“The government’s ambitious plans, combined with strong customer opinion, has helped to accelerate the move away from plastic and I’m proud that we’ve been able to play our part in helping to achieve this societal change,” Paul Pomroy, CEO of McDonald’s UK and Ireland, said in a press release at the time.

The plastic straws previously used could be recycled, but the British government has moved to ban plastic straws by 2020 and encouraged chains to ditch the products.

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This is all working out so well.

Well, at least the paper straws are biodegradable. We know they’ll break down eventually since they can’t even make it through an entire drink before getting soggy and breaking down and pissing off consumers who just want to be able to finish their damn Coke.

So basically the government can’t do anything right.

We’ll have to get back to you.

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