The New Republic's idea for something 'not as crazy as it sounds' deemed EXACTLY 'as crazy as it sounds'

First off, a beverage warning: Put down anything you’re drinking before proceeding.

Ready? OK, here we go:

Corporations are people. Why not rivers? Granting rights to ecological entities is not as crazy as it sounds. https://t.co/IK9YR1ZGhe pic.twitter.com/ul998Vat9x

— The New Republic (@newrepublic) May 10, 2018

So it’s confirmed:

We live in incredibly stupid times. https://t.co/gdKYTGD1Q2

— Ken Gardner (@KenGardner11) May 10, 2018

To say the least!

You have no idea what you're talking about, do you? https://t.co/i8Cfp5InUm

— Noah Rothman (@NoahCRothman) May 10, 2018

"Corporations are made up of people. Why shouldn't rivers be made up of people?"

Outstanding. https://t.co/fIxn4cNkd2

— Seth Mandel (@SethAMandel) May 10, 2018

Why skip over discussing why unborn babies have rights and instead go right for rivers?

Unborn children are people. So, yes, it is crazy that you're talking about rivers having more protection than humans. https://t.co/Q8PhwOW8e7

— Daniel Comfort (@dcomfort) May 10, 2018

https://twitter.com/swmoss/status/994614982611488772
https://twitter.com/jasonelevation/status/994615596292694016

Announcer voice: It's crazier than it sounds! https://t.co/MTE8sgWT5d

— Drew McCoy (@_Drew_McCoy_) May 10, 2018

Well, because corporations are made up of people, and rivers are made up of water. People can't exist without water, but that doesn't mean water is people.

Let us know if you have any other questions! https://t.co/AARP7gJzB6

— Currently between fraudulent suspensions (@jtLOL) May 10, 2018

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Narrator: It is as crazy as it sounds. https://t.co/iAwWkRXmkN

— Pradheep J. Shanker, M.D., M.S. (@Neoavatara) May 10, 2018

https://twitter.com/eli_balsam/status/994634396220215296

I refuse to believe that whoever wrote this really doesn’t understand what personhood is.

They just hope that their readers are stupid. https://t.co/cbYw4IFLij

— RBe (@RBPundit) May 10, 2018

"The diaper change consent lady HAS to be the stupidest thing I'll read about all day."

Rachel Riederer: "Hold my beer." https://t.co/QThTTAVhHo

— Small Metal Owl (@SmallMetalOwl) May 10, 2018

Can a “Bill of River Rights” be far behind?