Guys, remember the Krassenstein brothers? Brian and Ed? The creepy Resistance twin bros who got kicked off of Twitter for spamming and running multiple sketchy accounts and evading bans and whatnot?
That was back in 2019. Three years ago, can you believe it? Time flies when you forget that the Krassensteins ever existed.
Well, with Elon Musk at the Twitter helm, a lot of people who saw their accounts get banned under the previous Twitter administration are returning. And that goes not only for conservative/Republican/right-wing accounts, but for dearly departed lefties as well. Lefties like … the Krassensteins.
And, according to the Brian Krassenstein himself, it was all part of their master plan:
BREAKING: The 3-year plot by me and @edkrassen to artificially boost Tesla's stock price in order to make @elonmusk wealthy and bored enough to buy Twitter and unban us has finally worked!
(Please read thread below)
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 11, 2022
Recommended
Please do read the thread. I promise you won’t be disappointed:
It all started the day after @edkrassen and I were banned, May 24th, 2019. We knew that after Dorsey's meeting with Trump at the White House, days prior to our ban, that he was compromised. Therefore if we ever wanted our Twitter accounts back, we would need a spectacular plan.
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 11, 2022
A plan that was out of this world. So, we thought to ourselves, “what’s more spectacular and 'out of this world' than the man who sent a Tesla Roadster to space, and promotes Dogecoin like it’s the next cure for the common cold?” @elonmusk.
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 11, 2022
We knew that Elon owned lots and lots of Tesla stock, but at the time we definitely could not afford the $44B required to purchase Twitter and undo the massive injustice to the KRASSENSTEIN family (besides our slightly better looking bro, @kenklippenstein).
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 11, 2022
We also knew that Tesla’s stock was only trading at $12 a share at the time. What if we could push Tesla’s stock up 3000%, making Elon the wealthiest man on earth, and giving him the capital to purchase Twitter? pic.twitter.com/lqKLMfIQKZ
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 11, 2022
So we set out on that goal. First we used our connections within the Democratic National Committee to push the party to ramp up dialogue around climate change.
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 11, 2022
(Note: We also helped this along by lighting lots of birthday candles in our garage to increase the average temperature of the earth by 0.00000004 degrees F within days).
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 11, 2022
Could you not actually see the Krassensteins doing something like that?
Next we reached out to @TedCruz (secretly a Democratic operative) to go on vacation to Cancun with us during a Texas power outage. This instantly sparked enough outrage in America to convince tens of thousands of Americans that Electric Vehicle technology was… pic.twitter.com/Lo6ShL6YJz
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 11, 2022
… our only possible hope. Tesla was now well-positioned to take the automobile industry by storm!
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 11, 2022
As you can see, over the course of the next 30 months Tesla’s shares soared 3000%, pushing Elon to become the wealthiest man on the planet. pic.twitter.com/fOpCJ74rMD
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 11, 2022
So now ask yourself this… If you were the wealthiest man on the planet, what would you do next?
Of course you answered “control all the memes and the main distribution channel for those memes”. As we planned, Elon decided to purchase Twitter, and here we are; Back!!
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 11, 2022
If you are on the Far-Right and find this thread unbelievable then now you know how we all feel with your Pizzagate, Qanon, Fauci & rigged election BS conspiracy theories. To everyone else:
BOOM, RETWEET!!
We’re back baby!
Oh, and follow my brother @edkrassen. pic.twitter.com/a34P62ZNGU
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 11, 2022
Oh, so Brian was just joking this whole time? Just trying to teach the Right a lesson about conspiracy theories?
lmfao https://t.co/00H2mmkpGk
— kaitlin (@thefactualprep) December 12, 2022
god, this is the content we all miss so much.
— kaitlin (@thefactualprep) December 12, 2022
For what it’s worth, I choose to believe that the Krassenstein brothers’ delusions of grandeur are massive enough for them to actually believe that they bear at least some of the responsibility for getting their accounts restored. As they’ve demonstrated plenty of times in the past, they’re definitely insane enough.
Anyway, if you’re looking for another hilarious Krassenstein thread, this ought to do the trick.
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