If you’re friends with alleged New York Times bestselling author and sports writer Jeff Pearlman and you’re expecting a child, you probably shouldn’t tell him about it:

He doesn’t know, man.

Yeah he did. Passive-aggressively, of course.

We’d pay money to see that.

Jeff has spoken, everyone. Are you going to listen?

Guess abortion is the exception to Jeff’s rule about not controlling women’s bodies.

What a depressing lens through which to view the world.

That’s pretty much where Jeff’s at, yeah.

Sage advice. In the meantime: