So CRT supporters should be AOK with these other ‘critical theories’, right? LOL
Seriously.
If they are so concerned with having ‘academic freedom’ then they should not only be okay with but fully support the theories Sean Davis made up here in this exceptional and hilarious thread.
If someone who clearly supports CRT but won’t admit it says it shouldn’t be banned because “we can’t ban ideas or controversial topics,” introduce him to Critical Election Theory for K-12, which argues 2020 was rigged and Trump won, and see how he reacts. https://t.co/330us6hQb9
— Sean Davis (@seanmdav) July 9, 2021
Critical Election Theory.
We dig this one.
Our voting systems in 2020 were inherently flawed and oppressive to one party.
Whoa, this could work.
Keep going:
It’s not Birtherism. It’s Critical Origin Theory, and it merely posits a framework by which students can better understand the political power dialectic of the early 21st century.
— Sean Davis (@seanmdav) July 9, 2021
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Hillary Clinton, founder of Critical Origin Theory.
It’s not Moon Trutherism. It’s Critical Space Theory, an alternative lens through which children can explore the vast beyond while considering the limits and potential of the patriarchy’s obsession with interstellar colonization.
— Sean Davis (@seanmdav) July 9, 2021
Critical Space Theory actually sounds like something you would study in school.
Recommended
It’s not Flat Eartherism. It’s Critical Geography Theory, and it helps students to explore their world—and themselves—by tackling difficult concepts about space, time and the idea that true reality is a construct unconstrained by traditional man-made STEM frameworks.
— Sean Davis (@seanmdav) July 9, 2021
Critical Geography Theory.
Hrm.
Yup, this works.
It’s not Intelligent Design. It’s Critical Evolution Theory, and it tackles the possibility that we all exist within a simulation of sorts that was created and is overseen by an omniscient, omnipowerful, omnipresent creator who set forth His own rules for a proper life.
— Sean Davis (@seanmdav) July 9, 2021
WHOA.
He’s right, this works.
It’s not anti-China xenophobia. It’s Critical Pandemic Theory, and it teaches students from the age of 2 to 22, that the arrogant, incompetent communist regime that imprisons and enslaves its people created COVID-19 in a garbage lab, and then lied to the world when it leaked.
— Sean Davis (@seanmdav) July 9, 2021
THIS IS OUR FAVORITE. YAAAAS.
We should absolutely teach Critical Pandemic Theory in all schools, ASAP.
It’s not an anti-Biden conspiracy theory. It’s Critical Senility Theory, and it analyzes decades of data on aging to provide children a way to think about how the 46th president is a walking pudding pop who has no idea what’s happening and is controlled by monsters with no souls.
— Sean Davis (@seanmdav) July 9, 2021
Annnnd we’re dead.
***
Related:
Join the conversation as a VIP Member