It’s Juneteenth, and we’re not sure how you’re celebrating, other than reading Twitchy. The Root’s Michael Harriot kicks off his “Caucasians’ Guide to Celebrating Juneteenth” by telling whites that it’s not “like y’all celebrate Mexican Independence Day on May 5 by donning sombreros and taking shots of American tequila.**” Um, May 5th isn’t Mexican Independence Day. The asterisks point to a note, though: “Cinco de Mayo is not Mexico’s birthday.” Well, at least he got that right.
— The Root (@TheRoot) June 18, 2021
So, The Root has given white people tips to “help colonizer Americans resist the urge to gentrify this celebration.” For one, don’t call the police. “Just for this one day, don’t be afraid when a Black person is cooking out in the park or walking around existing.” OK, what else? “Don’t ask a Black person for anything on Juneteenth.” Why? “Leading the Juneteenth celebration at work is not part of Keisha in accounting’s job description. Plus, it’s kinda racist.”
The final commandment: Thou shalt not steal. ”
“This includes labor, land, wealth, elections, opportunity, education, due process under the law, the right to not be murdered by police officers, voting rights … I’m just saying, try something new.”
Thanks, Karen. Your nitpicky advice on how to avoid Doing It Wrong is very, very important to the world.
— Jonathan Martinson,intrinsic queerness of octopus (@Jonathannewhere) June 18, 2021
We should all celebrate this day as the day Republicans freed the slaves from their Democrat owners.
— Dezey (@dezeydog) June 19, 2021
May 5th isn’t Mexico Independence Day though. Awkward…I mean at least learn enough about the culture to use it on your article…
— Isaac (@Melanco11) June 19, 2021
The person who sees every interaction through a lens of racism is the racist. Remember, the only one that hears a dog whistle … is the dog.
— Dave Christ (@DaveChrist7) June 19, 2021
1. Sleep late
2. Go to Costco
3. Watch TV
4. Take a nap
6. Watch TV
7. Go to bed
— Definitely a Real Person (@InBaggyTrousers) June 19, 2021
Neat! Up next:
The afro-american guide to celebrating Hannukah.
— Whiskey 🇺🇸🥃 (@scotch00bourbon) June 19, 2021
@TheRoot is my favorite racist website.
— David Dunn (@davidhldunn) June 18, 2021
I live in Texas, you’re late to this celebration. This article is ridiculous and is a slap in the face to people of every color.
— Cathy M. (@catmaj040) June 19, 2021
Just like in every other scenario, I'll probably just do whatever I want without needing your opinion.
— Jay Gallagher (@JayGall12232320) June 19, 2021
Nope, don’t need your advice.
— Bubbalicious (@TontoGoldstei10) June 19, 2021
I bet you're a blast at parties.
— AJ. (@asjlive) June 19, 2021
As an American and free thinker, I don’t need your guidance on how I should celebrate an American Holiday.
— Will T Treu (@treu_t) June 19, 2021
— Pavid Lesse (@LessePavid) June 19, 2021
It’s supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, kind of? But not really. At least there was one note for Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer: “Don’t disrespect Juneteenth by wearing kente cloth or cornrows.”
Blue-checked 'social impact strategist' would be a lot happier about making Juneteenth a federal holiday if lynching weren't 'still legal' in America https://t.co/hkXEAelyZy
— Twitchy Team (@TwitchyTeam) June 16, 2021