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Sen. Rand Paul releases his 2020 Festivus Report about paying to run lizards on treadmills and more

As Twitchy reported Monday, Americans were getting $600 each from the coronavirus stimulus bill while no less than $10 million was going to “gender programs” in Pakistan. Sen. Lindsey Graham defended those programs, telling Fox News Tuesday morning that he’s trying to make life better for women there.

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Speaking of government waste, Sen. Rand Paul posted a righteous Festivus rant last Christmas, and he’s back to do it again with his 2020 Festivus Report.

Among Paul’s Festivus Top 10:

  • NIH paid to find out if hot tubbing can lower stress
  • NIH paid researchers to develop methods to stop grown adults from binge-watching television
  • NSF ran lizards on a treadmill
  • NIH paid researchers to interview San Franciscans about how they use edible cannabis
  • DOD lost more than 100 drones over Afghanistan
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Researchers also used federal funds from grants worth $1,327,781.72 to see if you’ll eat ground-up bugs.

But why did the researchers think this research was necessary? The researchers believed “the current pressures on global food security, including climate change … have ignited a search for more environmentally sustainable protein sources.” Got to find a protein substitute when the Green New Deal environmentalists kill all the farting cows!

That’s right, the participants did not know when they were eating crickets. Therefore, the question of “will people knowingly eat cricket powder?” remains unanswered, despite that being a fundamental question underlying the worth of the study as a whole. If people can eat crickets, that doesn’t answer the question of whether they will choose to or not.

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The entire report can be found here.


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