You know your legislation is really crap when a hashtag on Twitter full of funny promises is more believable than the actual promises you’re making in said legislation. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s ‘Green New Deal’ has been the butt of many, many jokes today (some of which we are responsible for) because COME ON ALREADY, just no. But this hashtag of #OtherGreenNewDealPromises is perhaps the best joke of all …
Enjoy.
#OtherGreenNewDealPromises
A fart-free chicken in every pot!— Artist_Angie: Sensei of Sarcasm (@Artist_Angie) February 7, 2019
Does that make the bird juicier? Asking for a friend.
"We have nothing to fear, but cow-farts themselves." #OtherGreenNewDealPromises
— Steve (@SABGSU) February 7, 2019
You joke, but we read a story where a cow-fart actually put some guy’s eye out.
Laugh it up!
New, quality clothing will be provided to anyone unwilling to do laundry. #OtherGreenNewDealPromises
— Fancy Bear Sar (@FoundersGirl) February 7, 2019
What about deodorant?
Free video games and flat screen TVs for those who are unwilling to work. #OtherGreenNewDealPromises pic.twitter.com/1xwbLLdiiT
— CL ?? (@LibertyBelleCJL) February 7, 2019
Ok, but can they promise a chocolate river?
YES, there is a theme here for this editor today and she wants that chocolate river.
Everyone gets a free pony.
But first you need to file your paperwork with the Pony Allocation Council. #OtherGreenNewDealPromises
— BattleSwarm (@BattleSwarmBlog) February 7, 2019
Don’t give these people any actual ideas for a new Council.
Soap and other hygiene products to be provided even to those who have no desire to use them#OtherGreenNewDealPromises
— mark_my_words (@mark_my_words) February 7, 2019
Does this include razors?
Top bunk at the re-education camp.#OtherGreenNewDealPromises
— Federalist Musket?? (@Patriot_Musket) February 7, 2019
FANCY!
Free feminine hygiene products for all women, even the ones with penises. #OtherGreenNewDealPromises
— Call me conspicuously white (@Nalienation) February 7, 2019
*blinks*
#OtherGreenNewDealPromises
We’ll make sure you’re not interrupted by immoral capitalist pigs by moving them all to camps… where they can concentrate.. we’ll call them “camps of concentration” or something, I’ll work on it.— Rusty Shackelford (@rshackelford14) February 7, 2019
O.
M.
G.
#OtherGreenNewDealPromises https://t.co/dhuzxrB9zw
— Lizzy Lou Who☃️❄️ (@_wintergirl93) February 7, 2019
HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Using DNA we will clone giant Pterodactyls to be used in trans ocean flights. No more chemtrails!
— Ecklebob Chiselfritz (@RotNScoundrel) February 7, 2019
Wait. What about Pterodactyl … droppings?
Two skateboards in every garage. #OtherGreenNewDealPromises
— Robin Moss (@Hilljack) February 7, 2019
Beto will be so pleased!
Standing in line for lentils and vegetable broth once a week! #OtherGreenNewDealPromises
— LussBhoy (@vansmaq) February 7, 2019
Exciting stuff, man.
#OtherGreenNewDealPromises
We are proposing that humans evolve & grow wings so we can cut down on air travel emissions guise.Don't worry about how we are gonna do it.
It won't hurt. IT'S A GREEN NEW DEAL PROMISE!— Artist_Angie: Sensei of Sarcasm (@Artist_Angie) February 7, 2019
WHOOHOO! We can fly!
Fair trade organic cucumber kombucha for your pet ferret delivered to your door by solar-powered drones#OtherGreenNewDealPromises
— Josh (@JoshsBurnerAcct) February 7, 2019
This is strangely specific.
Skid mark resistant edible underwear. #OtherGreenNewDealPromises
— G (@stevensongs) February 7, 2019
Yeaaaaah … no.
#OtherGreenNewDealPromises
Everybody's Vegan! pic.twitter.com/8nL7S8Q9mG— Joey (@I_DrankWhat) February 7, 2019
Dammit.
Green eggs, but no ham. #OtherGreenNewDealPromises
— Schadenfreudelish (@aggierican) February 7, 2019
NO HAM!?
That’s a dealbreaker, man.
We’re getting energy efficient one man aircraft y’all. #OtherGreenNewDealPromises pic.twitter.com/GFeKqEuTRe
— Fancy Bear Sar (@FoundersGirl) February 7, 2019
John Deere is now literally a herd of deer that groom your lawn #OtherGreenNewDealPromises
— Bravo (@bravo_dude) February 7, 2019
Hey, it could happen.
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