Ace of Spades imagines what it would be like under President Bizarro. Sadly, the picture he paints is hauntingly familiar. So much so that it makes us wonder if President Obama has a deep, dark, and bizarre secret.
Me doing so well in Wisconsin, me probably lose by 9 http://t.co/jPWQLHDj
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
vote 5 bizarro. Bizzaro iz our man. If me can't do it, everybody can.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me hate 4.7% unemployment rate. Me want 94% unemployment. Me consult strategist @davidaxelrod. He so smart he knows nothing.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me foreign policy? It so simple no one can understand it. Me insult and alienate allies and kowtow to rivals. Me learned from the worst.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Eca, ecanomix… Jobz? Jobz simple. Me punish job creators until they destroyed. Then me say "Ha ha ha!" Then they make jobz.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Energy? Bizarro love energy so much me hate it. Me make energy prices skyrocket, that way they will be cheaper.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me hope to win Nobel Peace Prize before me even take office. Then me start a war without congressional approval as thank you.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
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Did me mention me have Cherokee blood? Me keep it in a cup.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Cherokeez, vote 5 Bizarro. Because me have your blood. If you want blood back, you vote 5 me.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me promise 3 cut deficit in half in first term. How, me ask you? By borrowing sixteen trillion dollars. It so easy it impossible.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me will increase economie by putting your moneys into businesses that fail. Who getz the profits? You do!!
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me will increase your freedom through mandates on you. More government mandates iz same as more freedom!
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me will reduce unemployment by making peoplez lose so much hope they stop looking 5 work. Then unemployment fallz, everyone sad!!!
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me have simple fix for health problems: Me call it "Death Panels." Me health advisor Braniac says it very good.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Brainiac have some other good ideas, like reducing earth population to Cro-Magnon slave thralls, but me save this for State of Union.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Brainiac say plot to enslave earth on the "Want to have," not "need to have," list. 5 now.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me promise to close Gitmo. This is Bizarro highest promise. Prisoners will be kept in Phantom Zone projector. Which will be kept at Gitmo.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me promise absolutely to change name from "Military Prison Guantanamo Bay" to "Sandals, Guantanamo."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me promise to lead free world by asking French president what me should do.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Mitt Romney'z 4.7% unemployment rate no good. Me pretty sure me can double that.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Bizarro knows more about Judaizm than anyone because Bizarro has lots of Jewish enemiez. Like Solomon Grundy, me think. Sounds Jewish.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me thought Vandal Savage was Jewish but one year me get Christmaz card from him, so me no know. Maybe he just being nice.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
We will look back one day and say this the moment the Kryptonian began to fall.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me want to promote free speech and freedom from government monitoring. That's why me propose Attack Watch snitch website.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012
Me think everyone wants a Big Brother. Let Bizarro be a Big Brother 5 you.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) May 31, 2012