Taylor Lorenz has to be the most pampered and least self-aware human being in all the land.
Today's complaint? New York bagel shops don't have the kind of cream cheese Taylor likes and she thinks Zohran Mamdani should force them to carry it.
"I hope the communist mayor can force bagel shops to serve my vegan slop cream cheese."
— Bonchie (@bonchieredstate) May 24, 2026
Just incredible. It's like she was created in a lab. pic.twitter.com/GEeoQfxJBC
This is her biggest trouble in life. The store doesn't have the special cream cheese she desires.
Days like today are especially painful to be blocked by Taylor Lorenz pic.twitter.com/c51yZj92Fy
— Enguerrand VII de Coucy (@ingelramdecoucy) May 24, 2026
Thankfully, Elon fixed Twitter and all the people she blocked can still see her masterpieces.
I can’t believe Taylor Lorenz is real. It’s like she’s a construct of the Babylon Bee. https://t.co/Mk3anl9GTJ
— John Podhoretz (@jpodhoretz) May 24, 2026
Honestly, she makes it more difficult to be a satire writer just with her very existence.
How is Taylor Lorenz a real person?
— Dr. Logan Levkoff (@LoganLevkoff) May 24, 2026
It’s embarrassing to be this out of touch and tone-deaf.
But of course she thinks Mamdani is going to get her overpriced nondairy cream cheese. Typical for faux-socialists. https://t.co/05OOtgjitW
With all the problems in New York, she thinks Mamdani should address her cream cheese first of all. Heh.
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My spot in Fidi has surprisingly good scallion tofu cream cheese and instead it’s a reason I resigned my lease down here
— Jack Appleby (@jappleby) May 24, 2026
To be fair, she did find some fellow travelers.
Imagine eating an LA bagel and deciding the problem with New York is a lack of cashew vegan cream cheese.
— gary leff (@garyleff) May 24, 2026
“I hope Zohran can fix the cashew cream cheese gap” surely signals the true end state of all socialist wishcasting. https://t.co/cJlKH3F7Rb
I have never seen Taylor Lorenz tweet something not stupid https://t.co/zzDGWVt2cr
— Sag Harbor Capital (@sagharborcap) May 24, 2026
Clearly, this is a person who hasn't followed Taylor closely. She tweets inane things very frequently.
I can’t tell parody from reality anymore. https://t.co/LSprrx9oHe
— Anthony DiGiorgio, DO, MHA (@DrDiGiorgio) May 24, 2026
Rock and a hard place for bagel shops. Protect those with tree nut allergies or sign their death warrant to cater to vegans unsatisfied with soy-based cream cheese? Not to even mention the 50 extra gallons of water to produce an ounce of cashew cream cheese over tofutti. https://t.co/30KJil6fEl
— Deva Hazarika (@devahaz) May 24, 2026
Taylor thinks only about herself and doesn't care how it affects other people.
she's truly a generational talent in rage baiting https://t.co/uprTZOdrS5
— Jesse Arm (@Jesse_Leg) May 24, 2026
taylor nobody gaf abt this rn https://t.co/qzMuNtVe3G
— yul (@juliabracadabra) May 24, 2026
Who said Antisemites don't pray to or worship anything? https://t.co/qwI1AJQGxq pic.twitter.com/AJtHplqRIz
— Rabbi Poupko (@RabbiPoupko) May 24, 2026
True. Communism is their religion.
She has to be AI https://t.co/wNDeSdWKmP
— Joe Borelli (@JoeBorelliNYC) May 24, 2026
Average Zohran supporter https://t.co/fBpeeDHEti
— Paperboy Prince for NY❤️😍❤️ (@PaperboyPrince) May 24, 2026
Literally, the dumbest people alive.