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A Dream Ticket: Charlamagne Tha God Has Excellent Advice for the Democrats in 2028

Screenshot via Comedy Central

Listen up, Democrats. 

God is speaking to you and giving you some advice. You'd do well to listen. 

OK, technically, it's not God. It's Charlamagne 'Tha God,' whose real name is Lenard Larry McKelvey. (I can see why he changed it.)

But I still think Democrats should absolutely listen to his words of wisdom here. 

LOLOLOLOLOLOL. 

Yes, PLEASE do this. 

I can already envision the slogan: 'Stewart/Colbert 2028: They're Not Joking.'

I know what you're saying. You're saying, 'Calvin, stop it. This is a silly idea from a silly person who no one should ever take seriously, and the Democrat Party will never take him seriously.'

Oh, really? 

This is the same party that nominated Kamala Harris (well, sort of) and Tim Walz in 2024. This is the same party where Gavin Newsom, Pete Buttigieg, and AOC are currently leading the polls for the next presidential candidate. 

And you think there is a limit to how stupid they can go? 

Jimmy Kimmel could hold the new Cabinet position in the Department of Men Openly Weeping on Camera. 

They can bring Joy Reid out of whatever mental asylum she's living in to be Secretary of EVERYTHING IS RACIST!

There's no end to the amazing 'Team of Rivals' Stewart and Colbert could assemble. 

See? It's not like any of the other Democrats are doing any better. 

Time to give the failed talk show hosts a shot at the title. 

But hey, don't take my word for it. There's even a movement on X to draft Stewart. 

See? 

Colbert won't like that, but they can fight that one out in the primary. 

Assuming, that is, that the Democrats even decide to HOLD a primary next time around.

It's true. Stewart might not be radical enough. Maybe Colbert will need to take the top spot. 

But they're buddies. They'll figure it out. 

He's got Stew-mentum, baby! 

And you can bet he'll appoint everyone on The View to federal judgeships, possibly even a SCOTUS seat or two if any open up. 

Be a-scared, JD Vance, Marco Rubio, and Ron DeSantis. Be very a-scared. 

Of course, there's only one problem with this dream ticket. 

Both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are straight white men. And Democrats simply cannot have that! 

But the nation is calling. Charlamagne is demanding it. Social media is begging for it. 

There's just one thing they need to do to make it happen. 

Colbert is going to have to transition, start wearing dresses, and call himself ... err, herself ... Stephanie. A septum piercing and some blue hair dye wouldn't hurt either.

If that happens, this ticket for 2028 is basically a lock. 

Laugh at Lenard McKelvey all you want right now. When it happens, both he and I will be accepting everyone's apologies. 

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