Before we get rolling, here’s a little backstory from The Hollywood Reporter:
Steven Spielberg on Wednesday predicted an “implosion” in the film industry is inevitable, whereby a half dozen or so $250 million movies flop at the box office and alter the industry forever. What comes next — or even before then — will be price variances at movie theaters, where “you’re gonna have to pay $25 for the next Iron Man, you’re probably only going to have to pay $7 to see Lincoln.” He also said that Lincoln came “this close” to being an HBO movie instead of a theatrical release.
A Hollywood implosion, according to Steven Spielberg? Last night, Ace weighed in on what’s gone haywire in Tinseltown:
snark aside (it was funny), it is true that something has gone weird in Hollywood. @emzanotti @jimmiebjr
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
a NYPost book review of some producer's book notes that all movies will have Giant Robots or cartoon characters because of the China market
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
and it is weird to see well-done Marvel superhero movies. Those movies are welldone because top talent now has to do those movies…
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
…for lack of alternatives they would usually have had. Good for marvel, bad if you want to see a movie not involving Giant Robots.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
Or movies based on boardgames, or breakfast cereals.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
https://twitter.com/chuck_dizzle/status/344989562512236544
of course Hollywood has been pretty bad at making movies for a long time so… eff 'em.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
I just wrote a script called "Weebles."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
https://twitter.com/jimmiebjr/status/344991746742165505
And then, the movie previews started, with Greg Gutfeld joining the fun:
in a world… where falling down is a crime…
W E E B L E S
One dared to fall.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
One cup; five die
Y A H T Z E E
THIS FALL IN IMAX
— GregGutfeld (@greggutfeld) June 13, 2013
A winding road. A lost king.
CANDYLAND
IT'S YOUR TURN: 2014
— GregGutfeld (@greggutfeld) June 13, 2013
They're back. And they've hatched.
SEA MONKEYS:THE RECKONING
— GregGutfeld (@greggutfeld) June 13, 2013
Today, Sen. Mary Landrieu made her now famous comment that South Dakota shares a border with Canada. Ace then hilariously went from creating movies out of board games and breakfast cereals to crafting films inspired by the geographically challenged congresswoman:
In a land of mystery and confusion, one intrepid soul attempts to find a way.
T H E
L O S T
D A K O T AStarring @SenLandrieu.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
When a state goes missing, Detective @SenLandrieu is on the case. Can she discover….
W H I C H
W A Y
I S U P— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
In the world of the future, Canadian Empire has annexed North Dakota. @SenLandrieu stars in…
B L O O D
O F T H E
M A P L E S— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
In the future, reliance on GPS has made the world geographically stupid. @SenLandrieu stars in…
M A P S :
H O W DO
T H EY W O R K ?— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
.@SenLandrieu wanted a day-trip to Canada. But she wound up in a magical world of oil rigs and corn.
S T R A N G E
G E O G R A P H Y— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
They tried following her. They tried anticipating her every move.
They got lost. @SenLandrieu in…
N O R T H B Y
S O U T H W E S T— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
In the future, a state has become a hi-tech prison. But @SenLandrieu has a… misleading map.
E S C A P E
F R O M
N O R T H
D A K O T A— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
In the future, one woman develops a dysfunctional relationship with her GPS. @SenLandrieu in…
R E – R O U T I N G ,
R E – R O U T I N G— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
.@SenLandrieu wanted a holiday of sun 'n siestas. But she got so much more.
E L
N O R T E 2:
L O C O F R O M
T H E S N O W— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
.@SenLandrieu wasn't looking for love– she was just looking for North Dakota. But she found so much more.
G U L F
O F
M O N T A N A— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
From producer @Matthops82…@SenLandrieu wanders into a coastal town where Love is a forbidden word.
B I S M A R K – B Y – T H E – S E A
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
America's number one thriller writer is back! @SenLandrieu's new mystery…
E A S T S T. L O U I S ,
W E S T O F S T. L O U I S— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
For divorced mom @SenLandrieu, there was only thing more confusing than the human heart.
T H E
C O N C E P T
O F
N O R T H— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 13, 2013
Perhaps if Steven Spielberg could convince Hollywood to run with any or all of these hilarious ideas, the implosion of Hollywood could be staved off … for a while.
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