There’s obviously something very tempting about becoming the sort of superhero that Touré can respect; otherwise, why would you spend a perfectly good summer weekend in a black hoodie with a helmet on your head, a black kerchief over your face, and a shield and baseball bat in your fists?
Beating white supremacists sounds like heroic work, but it doesn’t seem to be changing minds. Besides, Texas is in crisis right now from another natural disaster that we here at Twitchy have been following (from a safe distance): floating colonies of fire ants.
UPDATE: The floating fire ant colonies in Texas are growing… https://t.co/WZpyDiGXWU
— Twitchy Team (@TwitchyTeam) August 30, 2017
Sonny Bunch has a hot take in Wednesday’s Free Beacon that’s so hot it involves government-issued flamethrowers: kill all ants.
Go on …
Well, shoot. This ain't nothing but good sense.
— JustFlatOutWilford (@just_wilford) August 30, 2017
Seriously, look at these things … they really do float.
— Free Beacon (@FreeBeacon) August 30, 2017
This is a topic of some interest right now because people are learning that ants do not drown when it floods. Oh no. They form little balls and float along with the floodwaters, moving whole colonies into brand new areas. Let me repeat:
THEY CANNOT BE KILLED BY WATER AND THEY FLOAT ALONG IT AND THEY ARE COMING FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR PETS AND YOUR SUCKER PUNCH BLU-RAYS.
This isn’t cool, and to be honest, we haven’t exactly seen America’s greatest scientists — Bill Nye, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and Clock Boy — step up to the plate with a solution to the floating ant menace. And if you needed any more convincing, just check out this video:
— Christopher Ingraham (@_cingraham) August 30, 2017
If we can import them to do jobs, can’t we export them? As in, drop a few million on North Korea’s nuclear weapons program? Or just reroute ’em to the Astrodome, chuck in the neo-Nazis and the antifa, and have ’em fight it out? The pay-per-view revenue could go toward disaster relief.
Floating fire ants are awful.
Thank God Texas didn't have a nuclear power plant melt down at the same time. https://t.co/qUjq68J5oB
— No-Tel Lounge (@NoTelLounge) August 30, 2017
* * *
Yes, the floating fire ant colonies in Houston are real https://t.co/laHaDY2XcM
— Twitchy Team (@TwitchyTeam) August 28, 2017