Happy Festivus! Rand Paul shows how $482,276,543,907 of our money funded 'roidy hamster fight clubs, etc.

December 23 may not mean much to you (unless it’s your or someone you love and care about’s birthday, obviously), but to others, it’s maybe the most important and sacred day of the entire year.

That’s right, y’all. It’s Festivus.

pic.twitter.com/lEPC6T8y5d

— no context seinfeld (@casualseinfeld) December 23, 2022

Now, normally, Festivus features a dinner at which you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year! But what if the people who have disappointed you the most have other plans?

We highly doubt that all 18 Republican senators who voted in favor of the massive $1.7 trillion omnibus spending bill would carve out time in their schedules to stop by our houses for dinner, so it’s really not worth inviting them over. We’re not even going to worry about the Democratic senators, because technically they didn’t disappoint us by voting for the damn thing because we fully expected them to not give a s**t about where taxpayers’ money goes.

But the Airing of Grievances is probably the most important part of the Festivus rites, and we definitely feel like it’s absolutely vital this year. And so, as has been the tradition for several years now, we will defer to GOP Sen. Rand Paul to air grievances on our behalf. Obviously the omnibus spending bill is a travesty, but it’s important to remember that the federal government has been wasting our money all fricking year. Sen. Paul’s been keeping track of all of it and has painstakingly — emphasis on the “pain” part — put together a comprehensive report detailing where $482,276,543,907 of taxpayers’ money has gone in 2022.

The grievances are indeed aplenty. There’s been a ton of waste of COVID relief funds, of course. That’s no surprise. But at least we understand what the COVID relief funds were for, in theory. Not that that justifies the exorbitant amount of waste, of course. But $28 million on camouflage uniforms that don’t actually camouflage the wearer in Afghanistan? $17 million on hotel rooms for illegal immigrants that were never used? $3 million to jack up hamsters on ‘roids so they can fight each other? $2.3 million to inject beagle puppies with cocaine (why does the NIH have such an affinity for abusing beagles?)? Over $500,000 to see if mice can be racist?

$3 million to watch hamsters fight on steroids is my favorite.

You could lead every nightly news cast on every network every night with a different version of this kind of dipshit "science" spending.

And it's INSANE amounts of money. https://t.co/F1MOQQlPnG

— Matt Cover (@MattCover) December 23, 2022

Last time we checked, We the People never gave the federal government our consent to waste hundreds of billions of dollars of our money — not theirs — on stupid crap. We honestly couldn’t care less if mice are racist or if Washington D.C. has a streetcar.

The more that we think about this, the more ramped-up our grievances become. Because what the government is doing to us is arguably criminal. It’s not just theft, but it’s robbery. We’re getting mugged out here. Strung up around the Festivus pole.

Our government is a joke.

— Bonchie (@bonchieredstate) December 23, 2022

Sounds like it’s time for us to get to the Feats of Strength. Steroid-free, of course.

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Happy Festivus! Rand Paul shows how $482,276,543,907 of our money funded 'roidy hamster fight clubs, etc.

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