Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman have a 'bombshell witness/evidence' against Elizabeth Warren that 'will shock the conscious of the nation'; UPDATED

Elizabeth Warren is emerging as the 2020 Democratic frontrunner, but illustrious supergenius Jacob Wohl’s got a plan to stop her momentum cold. Via his equally illustrious partner in crime Jack Burkman:

Tomorrow a Decorated USMC Combat Veteran is coming forward to talk about his whirlwind relationship with Elizabeth Warren

1599 • 2:30 PM EST pic.twitter.com/zKvQzNKQv6

— Jack Burkman (@Jack_Burkman) October 2, 2019

Hope “protesters” don’t show up at this presser, too! Because the conscious of the nation is at stake.

*conscience

— Eric H. (@ericinva) October 3, 2019

Words aren’t these two dudes’ strong suit. Suits are their strong suits, either:

Be sure to zip up your fly this time.

— REDDOG (@ReddogOHIO) October 3, 2019

Tall order, but you never know!

I kid you not, I thought Jacob Wohl was in jail. https://t.co/2vTObtrrCD

— Dr. Kankokage (@kankokage) October 3, 2019

He should be.

Can I skip to the part where Mr. Wohl ends up in jail?

— Mark (@Dust113010) October 2, 2019

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Update:

OK, so maybe this presser won’t be a total waste:

On this momentous day in history we will be providing complimentary @DunkinDonuts

1599 • 2:30 PM EST pic.twitter.com/fp4y870Yv8

— Jack Burkman (@Jack_Burkman) October 3, 2019

Oh, well. In that case, sign us up!

***

Update:

Let’s check in on the proceedings, shall we?

She’s finished. pic.twitter.com/CQdtcsDyJ7

— Siraj Hashmi (@SirajAHashmi) October 3, 2019

Toast.

This Jacob Wohl press conference is genuinely one of the funniest things I’ve watched recently.https://t.co/NwDiakhJCC

— Nick Waters (@N_Waters89) October 3, 2019

Even their “marine” guy can’t keep a straight face.

— Nick Waters (@N_Waters89) October 3, 2019

Journo: What unit were you in?

“Marine”: 13

Journo: 13 what?

“Marine”: you can look it up on wikipedia

— Nick Waters (@N_Waters89) October 3, 2019

My favourite bit so far is when Wohl tells the “security guard” to remove a journalist (from the sidewalk) and the guard just ignores him.

— Nick Waters (@N_Waters89) October 3, 2019

So at least this whole thing wasn’t a total loss, then.

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Update:

You guys:

The patsy in Jacob Wohl's latest sex smear says he got a scar from a sexcapade with Elizabeth Warren. His Insta shows something else. pic.twitter.com/fK5HPJT3HX

— Brandy Zadrozny (@BrandyZadrozny) October 3, 2019

This is just … *chef’s kiss*

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Looks like Jacob Wohl is ‘helping’ again by soliciting false assault claims against Pete Buttigieg