The DNC released its star-studded lily-white line-up for next week’s convention, and boy, are we excited! But perhaps no one’s more excited than the Ace of Spades. The inclusion of professional Julia Sandra Fluke in particular has inspired him, so much so that he changed his Twitter avatar and bio to reflect his esteem for her:
That was only the beginning; he also embarked on an epic series of tweets:
Like, wow. Let me get out a pad and write down everything she says. She's a Law School Graduate.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
Right, I don't know if she graduated or not, she could still have the title "Student." Let me sharpen three extra pencils for this.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
A student's going to tell me some shit? F*** me, could you give me a head's up? I need a block of six hours to collect up all this learnin'.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
I don't know about you, but when someone with 36 credits towards a degree starts talkin', I start listenin'.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
EVERYONE SHUT THE HELL UP!!! A Student is here to instruct us.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
"Don't worry about the fire damage to your home, ma'am. We're sending… a Student."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
Whenever I see the Student Driver sign on a car, I slide in right behind it, to take notes. To learn.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
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"We've got Top Men working on it." "Who?" "Top. Men." "But WHO?" "A couple of Students." "Oh why didn't you say so in the first place?"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
Harken, all who can hear; Open your eyes, those that would see the truth. A Student is come.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
So if I have this right, and I think I do, each network is going to send a few people to record the philosophical pronouncements of a 3L?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
So if I have this right, and I think I do, each network is going to send a few people to record the philosophical pronouncements of a 3L?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
When you are lost, turn to a Student for wisdom in two key areas: Firstly, grand political philosophy. Secondly, what her major is.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
A Student shall lead us to the New Zion. She shall lead us… to the part of the Quad where they don't throw frisbees and you can lay out.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
I'm a Student. Let me tell you about all the wonders I shall learn next semester.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
There is nothing wiser in all the reaches of the great wide world than a Student. Except, I guess, for a Graduate.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
The best part of Apollo 13 was when they kicked out Ed Harris and had a Student run shit right.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
And at that moment you're like, "Oh yeah. OH YEAH! *Now* the boys are coming home. Got a Student with the clipboard, now."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
Ever the empathizer, Ace then channeled his inner Fluke:
Now accepting offers for my own 7pm Newshow on any network. Oh, who am I kidding, MSNBC. I will be unavailable for work during Spring Break.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
By the way, the media could call me "Free Birth Control Advocate," but they won't, as that implies I have an agenda. So The Student it is.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
See, they're looking for a way to describe me that doesn't include my political leanings (there are no liberals in the liberal cause).
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
Trouble is, I haven't even graduated law school, so they're stuck with Law School Student.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
It's either that or "30 year old you never heard of."
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
Given that Clint Eastwood is speaking at the RNC, my Student Wisdom tells me that the media will rush out to interview ex-wives and xgfs.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
My Unerring Student Senses tell me that suddenly people are going to be talking about Sondra Locke again.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
brb, hangin' posters in my dorm room
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
brb, makin' Ramen in my hot-pot
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
When I have had my Ramen, I will be available to discuss First Principles of a Modern Political Economy with you.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
@jjmdirector that's true, I had Federal Assistance for my hot-pot purchase.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
brb, makin' a Friendship Bracelet for my RA (he's a cool dude! He's from Argentina!!)
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
A friend is going to help compose my remarks for the Democratic National Convention as soon as he's done with his Hacky Jam.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
brb, makin' a mix tape, thinkin' about First Principles
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
brb, watchin' True Blood, writing my autobiography
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
brb, makin' a tiara like Katniss'
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
Did anyone check? Does my Democratic National Convention speech occur at the same time as Robot Chicken?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 30, 2012
That. Was. Glorious. The man is a national treasure.
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