What helps a soda tax go down more easily? Well, it’s not a plastic straw, that’s for damn sure!

This is a thing that’s really happening. Because of course it is.

When plastic straws are outlawed, only outlaws will have plastic straws:

In one fell sip, Seattle on Sunday became the first major U.S. city to ban drinking straws, an environmentally friendly move that leaders hope will spark a nationwide conversation about small, everyday changes that people can make to protect the planet.

Now customers at grocery stores, restaurants, food trucks, even institutional cafeterias have to find another way to get liquid into their mouths. Compostable paper and plastic straws are allowed under the ban. People who have a medical need to use a straw are exempt.

Failure to comply may result in a $250 fine, although city leaders told the Times that the initial phase of the law is more about raising awareness.

Oh, it’s sparking conversations and raising awareness, all right. About how utterly asinine this idea is.

Why, the Straw Police, of course! And Adrian Grenier:

If we didn’t take the environmentalist Left seriously before, we definitely will now.

Not on the Straw Police’s watch!

Sorry, people who need straws for medical reasons. Sucks to be you!

Screw the straw ban; this exit idea sounds way more promising: