Tonight is the night that Louisiana Sen. Mary Landrieu had promised to unify the Democrat-controlled Senate behind her and finally get the Keystone XL pipeline passed (the real pipeline, not the pretend one environmental protesters built on her front steps this morning). Landrieu faces a Dec. 6 runoff election against Rep. Bill Cassidy, and it sure would be nice to bring home the pipeline as proof of her commitment to the oil industry and jobs.
Landrieu enjoyed personal support on the Senate floor in place of votes; colleagues acknowledged she’s a great fighter for the wrong things.
"I say to the people of Louisiana, you could not have a better fighter.." @SenatorBoxer defending @MaryLandrieu while disagreeing with her
— Kelly O'Donnell (@KellyO) November 18, 2014
Sen. Boxer says that LA "cannot have a better fighter" than Landrieu. But Landrieu's bill? "Extra lethal."
— Rick Klein (@rickklein) November 18, 2014
National Review’s Charles C. W. Cooke “live tweeted” Landrieu’s spectacular and unprecedented effort to win bipartisan support.
On the Senate floor, Mary Landrieu backs a balanced budget amendment, free automatic weapons, intravenous beer drips, and IRS abolition.
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
“Frankly,” Landrieu says, “I’m not even convinced the president was born in America—or that he’s a Christian. Let’s abolish Obamacare.”
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
“Tonight,” Landrieu says proudly, “I intend to slap each one of my Democratic colleagues with a gold-plated copy of the U.S. Constitution.”
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
Recommended
Unprecedented. Senator Landrieu is actually flying around the Senate chamber with a jetpack, spraying DDT at a terrified Chuck Schumer.
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
“I hereby repeal the Sixteenth Amendment,” Landrieu says, hoping the viewers won’t know any better.
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
Landrieu is now firing guns in the air as Ted Cruz throws spoonfuls of jambalaya into her open mouth. “Ain’t nutin like ‘Merica,” she cries.
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
Aaaaaaaaand here comes the beer keg. “It’s moonshine time,” Landrieu shouts, wildly. Pat Roberts rolls his eyes, then loosens his tie.
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
I guess we’re about to find out if the Senate has any rules against indoor fireworks and Tannerite.
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
Uh oh. Cruz’s face has dropped. Landrieu is now talking about the “Texas Seizure Act.” “Lebensraum ain’t just for those Germans,” she says.
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
It’s turning nasty. “You stop right there, Miss Piggy,” Cruz says, acidly. “I’ll bury you, Ted,” Landrieu replies. “I’ll bury you in gumbo.”
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
Bernie Sanders is trying to calm things down. Cruz and Landrieu turn to him and, with one voice, shout at the top of their lungs: “shut up!”
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
Things have calmed down. But it’s still heated. The Greg-Sargent-At-Arms is explaining to Landrieu that she can’t change her previous votes.
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
“What about the small votes?” Landrieu asks. “Can I change those?”
“I think that should be allowed,” Harry Reid says. “S’only democratic.”— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
“Just the small stuff,” Landrieu says. “Can I change my votes on Obamacare, Toomey-Manchin, and Dodd-Frank?”
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
Barbara Boxer has taken to the floor. She brings in a little girl and starts to choke her. “See?” Boxer says. “This is why Keystone is bad.”
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
Boxer punches the girl in the nose ’til it bleeds. “We have to think of our grandchildren,” she says. “I wish I could remember their names.”
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
In the corner, John McCain and Lindsay Graham are discussing whether they can legally declare war on Boxer, “before it’s too late.”
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
And that’s how Keystone got approved 100-0. Who says Washington can’t work?
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014
Great bedtime story, Mr. Cooke. Thank you.
https://twitter.com/TylerYork86/status/534846100528586752
I’m done now. The metal polish has worn off.
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) November 18, 2014