Liberals are nothing if not gluttons for punishment. Time after time, they think they’ve struck gold with a hashtag, and time after time, happy conservative warriors expertly take it over. Libs should know better. But they don’t. And once again, they’ve fallen victim to an epic hijacking.
Earlier this week, lefty geniuses came up with the oh-so-inspired #ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut hashtag. Entries include gems like this:
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut I always put PEOPLE before PROFITS.
— Captain Clarion (@citizensrock) February 3, 2013
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut I have the ability to think for myself.
— Focus On Progress (@FocusOnProgress) February 4, 2013
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut I passed my science and math classes.
— Chris (@ThatOtherChris) February 4, 2013
https://twitter.com/word_34/status/298517493717291008
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut I was raised to respect others, help those in need, & not to be a racist idiot. I was raised RIGHT
— Mrs Ziggy (@MrsZiggy1988) February 4, 2013
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut I see women as human beings rather than objects, and I believe you should be able to marry whoever you want.
— Ben Flick (@benflick) February 5, 2013
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut i believe women can and should make their own reproductive healthcare choices
— Marissa (@arieswriter) February 4, 2013
https://twitter.com/BradTracy2032/status/298590437592158208
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut instead, I decided to be a fully developed human being with empathy and a conscience.
— @IcePeakForTheTrees (@FuckUIm0ut) February 5, 2013
Recommended
https://twitter.com/Miss_Facetious/status/298844847874383872
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut 1) I was born w/ both a vagina & the ability to think for myself and 2) I believe in equality
— Ailith (@Angelete71) February 5, 2013
That is, like, so deep — and so ripe for a good, old-fashioned hijacking. And that’s exactly what’s happened. Conservatives and Republicans seized the opportunity to dole out some inconvenient truth to those self-righteous liberal drones:
https://twitter.com/AmericnElephant/status/298698439208869888
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut a rich white guy named Chris Matthews on MSNBC told me they are racist and hate poor people.
— Young Conservatives (@YoungCons) February 5, 2013
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut I'm dead. Stupid GOP won't let me vote anymore.
— Goldens Rule (@jamesbranch3) February 5, 2013
https://twitter.com/LexiKristan/status/298844071353524225
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut instead I'm going to tout "thinking for myself" while denying that Republican women do the same.
— Inez Stepman (@InezFeltscher) February 5, 2013
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut underaged Dominican hookers.
— Jim Jamitis ???? (@JimJamitis) February 5, 2013
https://twitter.com/TheWrightWingv2/status/298843080839274496
https://twitter.com/s_thorn/status/298844199401435136
https://twitter.com/Of_Angelis/status/298844977767776257
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut: I let my skin color determine my vote, not math…
— ¡El Sooopèrr! ن c137 (@SooperMexican) February 5, 2013
https://twitter.com/BenHowe/status/298844952186744833
#ICouldHaveBeenARepublicanBut Debating is more fun when you don't have to use facts.
— Bethany Bowra (@BethanyBowra) February 5, 2013
The hijacking alone would have been enough. But since when has the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy ever stopped at just good enough? Conservatives launched a hashtag counterattack of their own:
https://twitter.com/Boazziz/status/298562849775689728
#ICouldHaveBeenADemocratBut I know that there are 4 letters in the word J-O-B-S!
— iBucks4ever (@clybucks) February 5, 2013
https://twitter.com/ryan_kazlauskas/status/298840922450427904
https://twitter.com/shannanigans0/status/298840707140038656
#ICouldHaveBeenaDemocratBut I don't like participation trophies.
— Mrs. Deplorable (@IQgirl4Freedom) February 4, 2013
#ICouldHaveBeenADemocratBut I am responsible for my own actions not society.
— Michael J. Moon (@Moondizog) February 5, 2013
#icouldhavebeenademocratbut I have respect for the whole Constitution, not just the parts I like at the moment.
— Phineas Fahrquar (@irishspy) February 5, 2013
https://twitter.com/Shaughn_A/status/298835328708534272
https://twitter.com/ReganMcArthur/status/298841313586061313
#icouldhavebeenademocratbut I'm not that shameless.
— Phineas Fahrquar (@irishspy) February 5, 2013
https://twitter.com/BrianaWiggins/status/298838491750600705
#ICouldHaveBeenaDemocratBut I still have this craving for limited, constitutional government. Hopefully the GOP gets that, too.
— I came; I saw; I got over Macho Grande (@smitty_one_each) February 4, 2013
Amen to that.