Cry harder!

Mostly, the average American doesn't care. You're welcome.

Correct. Next!

Absolutely! We love that holiday, actually.

The libs are really in their feels.

Americans believe that because that's an accurate viewpoint. 

They desperately want to be Americans, but they hate they can't be.

Is it delusional if it's true?

Boom! Literally.

America is talking.

Yes, yes, we are.

Funny, that.

Americans do love to celebrate.

Americans are too busy with all our freedom. 

This is the correct sentiment.

The world is very, very lucky America is in charge. 

Europe is headed to that fate anyway.