And speaking of everything that’s wrong with America … unhinged “Hellboy” actor Ron Perlman suggests our darkest days won’t pass until somebody punches GOP Rep. Darrell Issa in the mouth. Every single day. Civility!

We’re pretty sure Perlman is no match for the Issa-stache.

But, of course, he’s not the brightest bulb in the Hollyweird Obama marquee (or sadly, maybe he is). Take a glimpse inside the mind of Perlman:

I would like to be [neurally] linked with Obama.  I think he’s the smartest dude in the world,  and he’s always the coolest dude in the room.  He has a vision of how he’s trying to steer the country and there’s a certain nobility to it.  I don’t have his kind of discipline cuz when I hate, I hate big.  But Obama just has this even keel that’s amazing, but he’s still very passionate.  He’s egoless.   I don’t think he aspired to be a powerful man, I think he aspired to make a difference.

Perlman would like to share a neural link with Obama, the “smartest,” most “egoless” guy in the world? That explains so much.

Dude. Please don’t be satire. We’re filing this one under “too good to check.”